Under the Surface (#388)

4. Was in a car on route 1 in heavy traffic with Wol today who noticed me being grateful to Pema for all he has done for me/us and for the opportunities in Kira. I am grateful to Wol for noticing and otherwise astounded.

3. Gr. For friends too.

2. TGT. A rainy day today…sitting here listening to the gentle whish whish and the water in a downspout. It is enough to be alive.

1. Last night I had a surface calm but there is unrest underneath.  If it wasn’t for the dreams yesterday, I would attribute it to things coming up but I wonder if I am reacting to the implications of the idea of living superficially. I seem to be trying to convince myself that it is not important.

More Dreams (#387)

6. APAPB. My mind wanders into the near future and I npartly go along for the ride and partly watch it unfold being conscious that only the present has any relevance.

5. F. pause. Music pulls me out of my work and I stop and listen

4. F. pause to focus on the moment after doing two things which took a bit of courage.

3. Gr. It is Monday and what would be a Monday without being grateful I have a job. Really . (Well maybe I had some thoughts about how nice it would be to retire this weekend).

2. TGT. It is another beautiful day to be alive.

1. I remembered three parts of dreams last night. I am fairly certain the second two were part of the same dream. All three have to do with thoughts about what may be superficial, and what are my values, in real life. At the same time I seemed to be dreaming a good bit of chaos because I am nervous about the things I have to do in the next few weeks.

The first has to do with mice. They were coming into our house in big numbers, chewing up stuff and making a big mess. I was exterminating them and feeling bad about it. As fast as I could do something about them, I felt other people were doing things that allowed them to enter. In fact somebody was even bringing them in. I finally got angry and told everyone I didn’t care what they did that I was not going to kill any more of them.

The second was a cafeteria experience. We were at a university and it was late and we needed something to eat. The only place to eat was the university cafeteria but they were closing and the pickings were slim. I wandered around tables for a good long while. Finally I managed to get a semblance of a meal together and then had trouble finding someone to pay. I seemed to be the only one having that trouble.

The third was about misnunderstanding. It was at the University of Pennsylvania and we had attended an event which was very fulfilling and I was feeling very happy. We were walking to the train station. We had our lunches in a bag. The person I was with stopped on the steps of a house. The next thing I knew someone else arrived and they embraced and kissed. I was a bit annoyed about the stop; the kissing rubbed me the wrong way. I took a dislike to the person feeling he was someone causing me distress. I did my best to put on a neutral face (apparently not too successfully) and we went in to the house where I found the person was an esteemed religious scholar and was going to talk about his religion. However he refused to give the talk because he said there were people in the room who were hostile to his religion. I tried to explain that this was not true but my protestations rang hollow because I was disliking him even more. Eventually we decided to eat our lunches but the religious person and his son did not have any lunches. We told them where they could get some and kept on eating, all the while trying to presuade him to give his talk.

Hmm. There is an issue of distrust in the third dream.

Sunshine and Appreciation (#386)

5. F. One thought is that there is more to the Mary and Martha story than just living superficially. I had broached the subject because it seemed to contain some gray area and it does. It was interesting to me how many different ideas we had about the story. There are times when we just have to stop and listen.

4. F. It has been a longish day in SL with good discussion. I am just beginning to think about this morning’s discussion about Mary and Martha. There was an interesting discussion of “Religion and Thics Weekly”, my favorite program on PBS. They interviewed Andrew Newberg from the University of Pennsylvania’s Center for Sprituality. Dr. Newburg wrote a book called “How God Changes Your Brain”. Among the arguments he made is that meditation improves memory and reduces stress. His meditation involves a mantra. He also said that believing in a loving God (or its equivalent) prolongs life while believing in a vengeful God makes one angry and has the opposite effect. Hmmm. Nothing surprising there. (http://www.pbs.org/wnet/religionandethics/episodes/july-17-2009/faith-and-the-brain/3597/)

3. Standing on the virtual beach before going to the morning PaB session thinking about Mary and Martha and living life superficially. It is not as simple as it seems but it IS easy to see when the master is in our midst we need to stop and listen. Seeing and listening, is that it? Then love of course.

2. Gr. Adding running water to the list (hehe – refers to last night’s session)

1. TGT. Oh what a beautiful morning; oh what a beautiful day to be alive. It is not only enough to be alive but  I’ve got a beautiful feeling that appreciation is in order as I look out my window at the reflected sunlight on the sides of some of the leaves and the sun shining through others at the same time.

Last night I woke up knowing that I had thought of a movie that seemed to bring together my explorations in Second Life and the eventsof concern in Real Life. I thought and thought upon awakening and I have no idea what it may have been I saw or thought I saw. I wonder if it had something to do with last nights session. Could I have turned that into a movie?

Last night at PaB Pema and Pila talked about living life on the superficial level. It is an interesting way to put it and maybe a more helpful way to look at it now that my selves and identities are less a hinderance. The trick is to know what is superficial in one’s life.

Summer Day (#385)

2. Gr. Start with weekends, family and friends.

1. TGT. A warmish day for a walk in fields colored by wildflowers. It is moe than enough to be alive on this beautiful planet earth,

Busy Times but… (#384)

3. I have multiple things to do and I am not working well at them. Hmmm.

2. Gr.

1. TGT. Alive again on a muggy day on this wonderful planet. It is enough

Relevant (#383)

2. Gr. Touch on the job and the fact that I seem to be relevant today.

1. TGT. Midday now. It has been hard to find time to stop and write today.  The weather is beautiful and it is great to be alive.

Housewarming (#382)

3. Gr. Nice to see my list of complaints look small

2. TGT. Another absolutely beautiful day to be alive on this planet.

1. I dreamed that my avatar was having a housewarming party and guests were allowed to bring gifts from various sources. They could buy them, make them, give something used, or just find something. The latter had to be amended so that no one would steal something from someone else’s house. this dream may have been connected to earlier dreams so maybe something important is missing. Ohterwise it does not make much sense. On awakening I realized that the workshop is this week and next next week as I had thought.

APAPB (#381)

7. F. I stop and listen. My mind is taking a walk on a star covered beach listening to the waves breaking against the sand and the rocks. I am on a mountain siting on a rock, watching the clouds drifting across the skies, looking down at the blanket of trees below.

6. F. Oh my. I am listening to a sacred piece of music and the simplicity hits me. How easy it is. We do not have to connect to some great scheme. We must only step out of what we think we are, step out of those identities. I realize that as soon as I hear the first few measures and I am lifted out.  Walking in a field, seeing the vastness of the sky, watching the butterfly flitting from here to there, the cows grazing, the tall grasses gently blowing in the wind. Be still and listen. We step out of ourselves and see there is so much more and our imagination soars and we want to create an identity for God to hold us at this point, to keep us from slipping back into the limitations we normally impose on ourselves. It is holy ground when we step outside, listening to the music of the spheres.

5. F. It is the connection!!! God. Timelessness. Being.  That was what I lost all those years ago, I think. The using God/Being as a resource was just a clue. The ability to step out of identities/selves not just to do more than we think we can…but we are more than we think we are. I had the words but not the understanding. Pema keeps saying not what we think we have but what we are.

4. F. pause.

3. Gr. Yes! Glad to be back to work again!

2. TGT. Another absolutely wonderful day to be alive and remember it is enough.

1. APAPB. Spent my waiting moments at the dentist office this morning savoring APAPB as Pema likes to tell us to do. The result was I could not find anything to appreciate about the visit (except leaving) BUT…. it did take me out of the office to a larger universe.

Where is My Heart? (#380)

7. F. (very early in the morning). I have reached an impasse with my explorations and avatars. I am thinking it is similar to what happened last December except that this time my avatars (identities/selves) are not battling each other. It is more that each has taken on a very intense role and the roles are not complimentary. One of them put off a task that now seems overwhelming at the same time another has a task coming up which will require some effort. At the same time I am beginning a new phase of a project in real life. My real life avatar also has an exploration that seems daunting too. All the time I am missing the fact that I had understood how I had used God as a resource about a week and a half ago and how that might work with my present practice. I stop short of how it might work with Being because there is something I don’t see. I have drifted away from pursuing what that might mean. I have not tried to approach timelessness or explore the emptiness of the moment. I have forgotten how to just drop all my identities to listen. So I am awake. Worrying as number 6 below warns against. It is mid July and I should not be worrying myself.

6. ZRM. Not to worry. If things cannot be changed don’t worry. If they can be changed, don’t worry just change them. Dalai Lama via notecard from Martie.

5. F. Well #4 worked but now I am very tired and do not have the enrgy to go home . Another pause before turning off the computer. Will try to look with my heart on the way home.

4. F. I notice myself feeling rather annoyed that after having sat with a technician for four hours while they worked on a number of issues, someone wanting to know what took so long. I had planned on getting started on anew part of the project today and the mount of work done is pitiful. So anyway, I remind my self I can just stop and drop all the negative energy and try to grab some positive. Can I do it one stop? If not I’ll be back pretty soon.

3. I was dreaming 0pretty intensely last night and even woke up with a start at one point and it alolseems to be gone. I have this feeling I resolved something last night. I also became aware that I have not even been trying to look with my heart.  I am being very task oriented at this point.

2. Gr. Thankful I am still working.

1. TGT. Sitting here Monday morning remembering it is enough to be alive. None of these chores pressing on me have any importance alongside that fact.

Confused Thoughts (#379)

4. F. I stop and notice I am feeling a bit disjointed, that I am struggling a bit trying to carry out some tasks. I have been all over the place in my thoughts. Still I have very much enjoyed some moments the past two days and do not feel really stressed. Maybe just a bit incompetent .

3. Gr. Yes, I am!!!

2. TGT. Another day spread out out before me to live in.

1. This morning I woke up a bit confused. I have been thinking out a number of different concerns and they seem to have entangled themselves. Last night dreamed about one of the projects at work. Although I have a crew working on it, I have something else I need to complete first. I think I was going over it thinking there is something wrong with my directions.