5. F. pause. I feel I have much to digest. With the voice stilled, I have pushed ahead to new ground. Now it is time to stop and let things settle. I am open and listening.
4. F. I am smiling. I just stopped from writing and erasing with #3 and a voice said “Shhhhhhhh ***. It is OK.”
I don’t have to try to explain this. I am grasping at Pema’s statement about Being being a resource because it connects with what I gave up. I am trying to twist his hint to fit my loss. Words probably are not the way to find what I feel is missing. I know the “heart” and Love are part of this. How were the heart and Love connected to what I saw as my relationship with God back then? How did I learn to mistrust looking with my heart? No, wrong question. Why did I begin to mistrust looking with my heart? Still wrong. Do I truly want to begin to trust looking with my heart? Am I ready? Maybe that is what I gave up back then.
3. I woke up thinking about my thoughts yesterday. I realized first that there my have been a dramatic moment, but it would have been limited to the career choice. Most of the change happened over a few years…a gradual realization of the identity/attachment without any knowledge about dropping. I did have support.
I did give up something that I miss. I gave up the belief that God was there for me as a resource. From that time on, I looked to myself, and to a few friends, when I needed a resource. I would depend on my own rational thought with the help occasionally from a few friends.
2. Gr. It is Monday so i start with my job
1. TGT. A beautiful morning to oversleep a bit and get to work just barely on time. I am alive…again….to see, wonder, and appreciate.
