2. Gr. Easy list to compile this morning
1. TGT. Beautiful morning and nothing to do except to the “home” store, mow the lawn and do a few chores. How wonderful to be alive.
Last night I dreamed about traveling around Europe to buy up former parts of a Cathedral. Hmmm. I just realized it was mostly hardware (coincidental?), rusted hinges, etc. Then my duties expanded to buying up former parts of many cathedrals. After that, I was awake for a long time.
4. F. Today I realized that I have compartmentalized certain aspects of myself in two avatars in the virtual world. In one I am task oriented as I often am in real life. In the other I am a bit more people oriented and more of a seeker after spiritual things. I had considered this part of me a spirit guide because when I put on the avatar, I would to a certain degree enter a spirit world. The spirit terms are very powerful and should be taken lightly in this case. I am appreciating the appearance of these two aspects of me. It will be interesting towatch how they might appear in RL.
3. During the day today I have been feeling myself become more engaged again. I feel something is coming. I have some thoughts tonight but they may or may not be it.
2. Gr. Much to be grateful for
1. TGT. Late to get this started today but remembering that it is enough to be alive.
3. F. Appreciating the appearance of what I am feeling
2. Gr. I still have a job and the sun is shining.
1. TGT. Crisp, cool Spring morning to be alive on this planet for another day.
Picked up a bit of negative energy last night when I shouldn’t have. It may just be the next seasonal transition.
I had a number of dreams. In one I was working with a bunch of undergraduates on research projects. they lived all over the world. I had a big map in which I was sticking pins in to show where they lived. Hmmm. In another, my old post college roommate showed up and we were doing various tings together. There was some kind of athletic contest in which he was participating. All of these things were associations with thoughts that came up yesterday in conversations, something I read, or things I was just thinking about. They were different dreams than I have been having which might be a result of moving beyond the semester. I can’t just sit back this year and let things slow down. Nothing is set up to go for the summer and there are many unknowns. All I can do is appreciate the effects of this minor chaotic situation on me.
3. F. A good day for appreciation. It seems to come easier. Maybe it has something to do with Spring and the lightening of duties. Of course, maybe it has a bit to do with almost a year in PaB.
2. Gr. Grateful that soon there will be a whole summer looming ahead. Grateful for the soon to be one year in PaB. (I look at the calendar and see things are happening quickly this tear but it is two and half weeks to the anniversary yet).
1. TGT. Very coolish and cloudy but lovely Spring day to begin the work week and remember it is enough to be alive which is timely because I rather am looking past today and wishing it was tomorrow. I must remember to appreciate all the appearances that are coming today. A little Love would help much today.
I slept very deeply last night but woke up once after a dream I wanted to remember. It seemed important at the time. I wonder if it will come back later today.
5. F. Still thinking about a connection between appreciation and love
4. F. A helpful PaB session this morning in which I thought about the question I raised here this morning. I see now that I can be more open to experiences and to people in this role I am playing. In this role I am showing impatience with my other roles/identities.
3. Gr. Yes!
2. TGT. A slightly rainy Sunday morning to experience aliveness for another day on this planet which supports and maintains us.
1. I missed a day blogging yesterday. I did not have anything to write and did not have a desire to stop the things I was doing to write. Sometimes it seems we need to DO. Last night at PaB Pema described how is using the appreciation of appearance to move from seeing from the eyes to seeing from the heart. Thus seeing in a Loving way. It has made me wonder a bit. Why not just Love?
At the same time I have been marvelling that my little avatar has a life of its own. It seemingly has no purpose any more but continues to exist. I want it to exist. At the same time it is resentful of what it can not do, or resentful that I do not allow it to do things. I wonder at the appearance of the resentment too. Maybe here is where I begin to see Pema’s thought about taking the appearance lightly. One could allow oneself to get very troubled about this when it is smoke and mirrors. Often we are misunderstood becausse of our physical appearance. We think “If only I could change I would be better understood.” That is shifting sand to use one metaphor. It is like “trying to catch the wind” to use Donovan’s words through Steve last night. OK, I got that part about taking the appearance lightly. Now the next step, will I understand that?
5. I just nodded off a few minutes and was dreaming about shooting deer a bow and arrow. But he deer were not real. They looked like a deer I had seen in a painting when in NYC.
4. F. Stopping from a round of writing for Sunday. Looked at the NY Times and noticed there was a brief discussion of descriptive nouns such a s a pride of lions, a gaggle of geese, etc. Some added a “bore of bloggers”. Oh my!
3. Gr. Yes, I still have my job and I am alive for starters. Grateful for the gift.
2. TGT. A dark, cloudy, damp morning to be alive with a busy schedule and a very disagreeable dentist visit at the end of the work day. I will have to do some remembering to stay on course and not anticipate.
1. Last night I dreamed I was an ambassador. OK, I am about the least suited person you might find for such a job. I was visiting a certain South Asian Country of which I love the music and hate the food (not an Ambassador-like statement). At first i was just ba visitor and paid a visit to the embassy and met the real ambassador who was known for his temper. People kept a wide distance. Anyway we chatted (I forgot what about) and he indicated that his “blowing his top” was a way to maintain control over people. He mentioned some radical groups that were afraid to approach him. Anyway, time in the dream does not stand still and eventually this ambassador was assassinated. Everyone agreed that it was sad but he kind of had it coming. Anyway, next thing I know, they look around for a new ambassador, and since I am there, they say, why don’t you do it. Ahhhhh! They assure me I can;t do a worse job than my predecessor so next thing I know I am living in the big house. Pretty soon I am inundated with all kinds of complaints from all kinds of groups. I remarked to someone else in the embassy that I could understand why my predecessor acted the way he did with some thought that maybe I should do the same. That’s all I remember from that dream.
2. Gr. Hurrah! Grateful for my job
1. TGT. Another fine morning we got ourselves into; remembering it is enough to be alive
4. F. A rabbi who served a few towns found himself in the town of his brother on eve of the sabbath. He decided to spend the sabbath there. His brother was a humble man. The rabbi noticed the plain wood candlesticks and remarked that his brother should get silver candlesticks. The brother said better that I should be home and the candlesticks someplace else than the candlesticks be home and I be somewhere else (an Hasidic tale)
3. F. pause.
2. Gr. For all the opportunities I have been given. They are gifts. I remember to be grateful for the gift of life.
1. TGT. I am soon off to NYC for a trip to the Jewish Museum and then professional meetings. It is a beautiful day and I remind myself it is enough to be alive. I wonder what this day will bring.
5. F. Late night and by myself I am off my schedule. I remind myself to try to remember to be more loving tomorrow. It will be a bit of a test for me outside my usual routine.
4. F. pause
3. Gr. I start with my job
2. TGT. Another quite beautiful morning to remember it is enough to be alive.
1. I had a number of chaotic dreams last night. One was really quite silly on the surface. I had ten children and was limited by some rule or law from having any more children. I was content with this since I saw the many reasons why it was a good idea. I had a friend who was bitter about the limitation and had a greater problem with balance between boys and girls; I think it was all girls. I reminded my friend that science had found a way to change the odds and that resolved that problem.
This time of year many things come together and I am trying to work on too much at one time. I am constantly being reminded of things needing attention. This past week I was tempted to take on another project (taking an art class) on Second Life. It is something else I have never done. On the surface my dreams seem to be telling me I shouldn’t consider it. Then why do I feel more like I should do it this morning?
There are many variant ideas being processed by me at once right now. I listened to an interesting discussion about aging and activities, specifically using ones experience to mentor and give back to society. Then there is the idea of life being a gift and that we need to remember this. Then I have quieted the persistent voice within me and I seem to free to be myself. At the same time my little rebellious voice is still running around as strong as ever seemingly denying reality. Then I keep coming back to Love (compassion) as maybe the essential ingredient. Am I trying to make all these ideas work together just as I am trying to do everything right now? I know I could just drop all this and go on vacation for a week or two and nothing would suffer for it.
15. F. One last stop for the day. Not exactly exciting blogging but more effective than it looks.
14. F. A stop from what I am doing
13. F. Hmmm. On the way home I notice I am still running in high gear when I should be running at a slower speed
12. F. Stopping after finishing that task. I seem to be no worse for wear. Remembering to Love and that life is a gift.
11. F. Stopping a bit longer although doing well except might not finish. I remind myself I can only do my best and listen to the music which is a gift
6-10. F. pause
5. F. Just a pause to look into my mind
4. F. Back from trip to library to get a recommended book on medieval Spain with a chapter on synagogues. Also spent time discussing a trip to the Jewish Museum on Wednesday and what might be in their archives.
[break here]
3. F. I am hoping to finish a project today and these stops will be important so I do not slide into negativity. I turn on the clock….
2. Gr. Yes…and to be grateful for the gift as well as our other blessings
1. TGT. Alive again. Last night at Zazen we were given a notecard by Martie that talked about thinking of life as a special gift that is only received once. This is a metaphor that can cut both ways if we take it lightly and look at the positive implications. It reminds us to enjoy our time on this planet and not allow ourselves to wallow in negativity
