6. F. pause. Looking at the computer…the computer looking at me….sitting on my lap, quiet until I begin typing again
5. BrM. I see a picture in my mind of my grandfather’s retirement party (I had seen a picture once) and a remembered picture of him sitting around the house. Why do you seem so unhappy? I can hear the wind-up grandfather’s clock ticking. The ticking was such a dominating sound in most homes of older people at the time. Otherwise the house was deadly quiet, at least from a child’s perspective. Oh, the questions I could ask if I could be there now.
4. Discussion continues from #1
***: I am still thinking about the changing RL role and how I must adopt
Adams Rubble: It is not like you are Sidney Carton suddenly finding a role after a lifetime of wastefulness
***: hehe. “It is a far, far better thing I do…” ….chunk. Yes, the odd thing about this changing role is that the others seemed to just come so suddenly. This role change kinds of drags out with one becoming a little less relevant each day
Adams Rubble: That’s the part that is the trap. There is no relevance. There is no role. There is no problem.
***: Are you saying that because you heard it in PaB or because you believe it?
Adams Rubble: hehe. Maybe a little of each 
***: You know this isssue has been a motivator all along. Joseph Campbell said that religion helps in life’s transitions
Adams Rubble: Yes, and you have been doing fine. For some reason you have begun to fret about it again
***: Hmmm. I think I know why. You taught me something that makes me feel deficient. I need to resolve that somehow.
Adams Rubble: Do you think you can do it by the direct approach? Isn’t this an issue of identity? You haven’t really changed except in appearance. Aren’t you worrying for no reason?
***: We have come full circle again…in the same post . Is that a first?
Adams Rubble: Maybe, but you must continue to strive for the Love. You can do it. You are the me who loves too.
***: Thank you dear Adams. Why do I have such a hard time believing that?
Adams Rubble: Maybe you should stay away from novels
***. hehe. It may have been the first since I started PaB
3. Gr. I think of the usual things but stop. Hmm. I have some thinking to do in the this area. I have been looking at some things with different eyes.
2. TGT. Went for a bike ride this morning in a gentle Spring rain. I continually returned my focus on the water shooting off the front tire. It seemed odd that the water stayed on the tire all the way around until it shot forwards. I was appreciating the appearance of the light on the water droplets. It reminded me of Strom’s Faru exercise where one picks up the light from behind and lays it down in front. But it was not safe to ride too long watching the front tire so I instead enjoyed the misty morning which was another beautiful appearance to go with the peacefulness since the hour and the rain had kept most people indoors yet.
1.
Adams Rubble: Back again so soon?
***: Yes, I have a question to ask. Why do I feel things through you and not feel them in RL? It doesn’t make any sense to me
Adams Rubble: That is a good question. WHO is not feeling?
***: Well I am you and me, aren’t I?
Adams Rubble: WHO are you? WHO is not understanding?
***: Are you suggesting that when I am trying unsuccessfully to feel what you do, that is am in the RL role I am playing? It is this RL identity who does not feel what you are feeling?
Adams Rubble: Well you would know much more about that than I. I can only see what you reveal to me. From what I see in SL, it would seem you probably are doing some role playing in RL.
***: I go to work and put on that role-playing hat. Then I come home and put on a different hat. Hmmmm. I used to have more time for the transition when I was walking. That’s a clue.
Adams Rubble: Any other clues?
***: Yes. I have sometimes looked at others and said to myself, if they would just accept and stop fighting their role in life they would be much happier.
Adams Rubble: You are very good at fighting things
*** confesses to wanting to experience everything from all sides
Adams Rubble: That might be admirable if it did not hide the truth from you
***: Hmmm. Or is it desire to be something else that makes one unhappy. Not just acccepting the role
Adams Rubble: Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember Geo encouraged you to concentrate on the striving for Love. You are not doing so badly. Look at how you’ve changed even toward me. Some of the rest is going to take some time. Some of what you lost may have been beyond your control. Things are constantly changing around you and you now have a more secondary role. With that comes less responsibility and the chance to work on things you used to dream about doing. Keep your role and explore from it.
***: Certainly one of the joys of life is that we get another chance to play with some of the dreams that we set aside along the way.
Adams Rubble: Remember the timelessness and you experiences with space. Don’t lock yourself into small spaces and be tied to time and you’ss be OK
***: Thanks Adams, you have been a great help this morning
Adams Rubble: You are welcome. Glad to help.
