Messages (#279)

3. Gr. The gratitude is good but I need to look a little beyond what I am appreciating that I am not builiding boxes around those I appreciate

2. TGT. An absolutely beautiful morning to remember that being alive is enough but I might want to do some exploration too.

1. Weeeellllll. Interesting thoughts passing through over the night. It seemed fairly peaceful dream-wise. I awoke at one point with Adams Rubble  sitting on a cushion in Play as being but try as I could, I could not remember what was being said.

I realized what set off my discomfort of the past couple of days. I was reading a very powerful book, partly as an exploration. Events taking place while I was reading shifted my focus and I found myself strongly empathizing with both roles, but…. one of the roles reflects my own role and all the pain and joys of living it. There were no answers…only more questions. It is a bit like during a very controlled  experiment but it quickly getting out of control and you are forced to question not only the whole hypothesis but the value of exploration.

At the same time a powerful message is how our roles are shaped for us. It has become a bit more apparent how far-reaching this is. It is so easy to become a victim of the wrong information passed down to us. Our teachers are too often “malpractitioners” themselves. Or maybe we pick the wrong message from all they tell us.

I began to think of the role teachers play in handing down information in terms of the ancient writers. As we do more exploration in our own lives, and as we begin to understand, or “know”, we can look back and see others have experienced that too. That message is often mixed with other metaphors or teachings of the time so the message is not in pure form. When we know, the language is beautiful and poetical and we are doubly enriched.  When we read those writings without our own experience, then we are forced to choose what is relevant; it is easy to pick up the wrong message or emphasis from those writings.

So What! (#278)

16. F. Help me learn the right lesson

15. Internet service weak tonight so no ZRM. WT. deep breaths…a faint image of a Native American…It’s Tonto!!!…The Lone Ranger appears next!!?!…a buffalo nickel…breathing…a green lawn…a doll’s house…a coloring book…breathing (steps going past door)…I become aware of the dehumidifier motor…think of a small propeller airplane idling on ground..in quick succession I see an image of an aunt, uncle and cousins…the dining room in the farmhouse…the sound changes to a threshing machine…

I stop and realize that I am looking back at a bit of role formation. What am I looking for, I wonder? Will there be a dream to tell me why I am looking here? Cousins, aunts, uncles gathering often on a Sunday afternoon. Have I forgot something? What wonderful times they were!

14. F. Get ready to watch myself in my other role

13. F. Again, just look at myself in the role

12. F. I do a body scan to get a sense of me here

11. F. Stop to get a picture of me working away. One of my “professional” roles…the one I most enjoy while listening to wonderful music. What a wonderful “role” this one is. Too bad that when I try to sing I sound like a farmyard animal

10. F. pause. This post has come a long way since it started

9. Brief Exchange:

Adams Rubble: You MUST step out of your role and look at it from outside as you look at me
***: Yes, I am beginning to see
Adams Rubble: Can you laugh at your own befuddlement?
***: This is a little like Pema’s exercise of the spoon looking at you except I am being looked at by a cute little avatar
Adams Rubble: No nonsense now . Do it!!! Are you the role or are you playing the role?
***: I am playing the role
Adams Rubble: You must be yourself. Try to step outside and watch yourself playing…make adjustments as you play as you do with me.
***: Hmmm. Maybe I need a spoon or an Adams Rubble watching me at each place I go
Adams Rubble: Have you tried the nine seconds in any of those spaces
***: Now that you mention it, no I haven’t. I can use the stop at PaB to remind me too.
Adams Rubble: Make your OWN rules about this role you are so concerned about. Much of what you have learned about it is wrong. Look how happy the advice made those who gave it to you
***: Egads, I never considered it that radically. I need to start with the presumption that it those voices are wrong. So far none of the advice from those voices have been right about you. I had a funny thought
Adams Rubble: Oh?
***: Pema helped me to drop my identities which were manifested in you avatars to a great degree. Now one of you avatars is helping me drop myself. Thanks dear Adams
Adams Rubble: Hehe. Maybe something like that. Go well, ***!

8. F. I stop briefly to listen to the timelessness

7. F. We live life as children not much noticing the difference between girls and boys. Granted changes happen but most of what happens is we begin to see our selves in a role as woman or as man. More devastatingly, we begin to see others in what we perceive as their roles. We never are what people perceive us to be or do we begin to fit the role that is expected of us?

6. F. If I had to do it over, the first advice I would have given my children, is don’t take my advice, especially about roles, very seriously

5. F. pause. In PaB this morning I realized that one thing we do is take some of our “roles” and tangle them with the roles of others. The question then is, how does one do the untangling. Everything we learned would suggest we don’t. That we just drop them or take them lightly. We can’t change the way others see us in the roles they have imagined for us. We can only try to be what we are.

4. F. pause. I spend a few seconds wondering what I am doing

3. F. I am writing tons of drivel. What’s the point? Should I stop writing?

2. Gr. Modifying my list to try to accommodate realities

1. TGT. Quiet, dark, windy, wet but clearing, morning on the way in…a bit early today to expedite some chores.

WHO is not feeling? (#277)

6. F. pause. Looking at the computer…the computer looking at me….sitting on my lap, quiet until I begin typing again

5. BrM. I see a picture in my mind of my grandfather’s retirement party (I had seen a picture once) and a remembered picture of him sitting around the house. Why do you seem so unhappy? I can hear the wind-up grandfather’s clock ticking. The ticking was such a dominating sound in most homes of older people at the time. Otherwise the house was deadly quiet, at least from a child’s perspective. Oh, the questions I could ask if I could be there now.

4. Discussion continues from #1

***: I am still thinking about the changing RL role and how I must adopt
Adams Rubble: It is not like you are Sidney Carton suddenly finding a role after a lifetime of wastefulness
***: hehe. “It is a far, far better thing I do…” ….chunk. Yes, the odd thing about this changing role is that the others seemed to just come so suddenly. This role change kinds of drags out with one becoming a little less relevant each day
Adams Rubble: That’s the part that is the trap. There is no relevance. There is no role. There is no problem.
***: Are you saying that because you heard it in PaB or because you believe it?
Adams Rubble: hehe. Maybe a little of each
***: You know this isssue has been a motivator all along. Joseph Campbell said that religion helps in life’s transitions
Adams Rubble: Yes, and you have been doing fine. For some reason you have begun to fret about it again
***: Hmmm. I think I know why. You taught me something that makes me feel deficient. I need to resolve that somehow.
Adams Rubble: Do  you think you can do it by the direct approach? Isn’t this an issue of identity? You haven’t really changed except in appearance. Aren’t you worrying for no reason?
***: We have come full circle again…in the same post . Is that a first?
Adams Rubble: Maybe, but you must continue to strive for the Love. You can do it. You are the me who loves too.
***: Thank you dear Adams. Why do I  have such a hard time believing that?
Adams Rubble: Maybe you should stay away from novels
***. hehe. It may have been the first since I started PaB

3. Gr. I think of the usual things but stop. Hmm. I have some thinking to do in the this area. I have been looking at some things with different eyes.

2. TGT. Went for a bike ride this morning in a gentle Spring rain. I continually returned my focus on the water shooting off the front tire. It seemed odd that the water stayed on the tire all the way around until it shot forwards. I was appreciating the appearance of the light on the water droplets. It reminded me of Strom’s Faru exercise where one picks up the light from behind and lays it down in front. But it was not safe to ride too long watching the front tire so I instead enjoyed the misty morning which was another beautiful appearance to go with the peacefulness since the hour and the rain had kept most people indoors yet.

1.

Adams Rubble: Back again so soon?
***: Yes, I have a question to ask. Why do I feel things through you and not feel them in RL? It doesn’t make any sense to me
Adams Rubble: That is a good question. WHO is not feeling?
***: Well I am you and me, aren’t I?
Adams Rubble: WHO are you? WHO is not understanding?
***: Are you suggesting that when I am trying unsuccessfully to feel what you do, that is am in the RL role I am playing? It is this RL identity who does not feel what you are feeling?
Adams Rubble: Well you would know much more about that than I. I can only see what you reveal to me. From what I see in SL, it would seem you probably are doing some role playing in RL.

***: I go to work and put on that role-playing hat. Then I come home and put on a different hat. Hmmmm. I used to have more time for the transition when I was walking. That’s a clue.
Adams Rubble: Any other clues?
***: Yes. I have sometimes looked at others and said to myself, if they would  just accept and stop fighting their role in life they would be much happier.
Adams Rubble: You are very good at fighting things
*** confesses to wanting to experience everything from all sides
Adams Rubble: That might be admirable if it did not hide the truth from you
***: Hmmm. Or is it desire to be something else that makes one unhappy. Not just acccepting the role
Adams Rubble: Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember Geo encouraged you to concentrate on the striving for Love. You are not doing so badly. Look at how you’ve changed even toward me. Some of the rest is going to take some time. Some of what you lost may have been beyond your control. Things are constantly changing around you and you now have a more secondary role. With that comes less responsibility and the chance to work on things you used to dream about doing. Keep your role and explore from it.
***: Certainly one of the joys of life is that we get another chance to play with some of the dreams that we set aside along the way.
Adams Rubble: Remember the timelessness and you experiences with space. Don’t lock yourself into small spaces  and be tied to time and you’ss be OK
***: Thanks Adams, you have been a great help this morning
Adams Rubble: You are welcome. Glad to help.

More Vending (#276)

4. I do not remember any more dreams; things appear to have quieted down after I receorded the dream. I remain a little baffled about the selling that has come up twice now. Am I trying to sell something? One does not need selling.

3. Gr. Remembering how important this exercise is when I see a mind somewhere else.

2. TGT. Rainy Saturday morning to remember it is enough to just be alive.

1. Awake from a dream I try to type in a darkened room while I remember. It is another dream about selling things. This time it is an avatar scheme. I don’t even think it was me who was selling but I was closely involved. Hmmm. Maybe it was morphing into me. Another avatar had a catalog of things that could be sold. The seller would choose the things he/she thought would sell and paid a fee to seel those items. It didn’t matter how many they actually sold. There was a script in each item that allowed the person who controlled the catalog to monitor who was selling it. The script also assured an avatar couldn’t secretely use an alt to sell things.

This was the second part of a dream and I don;t remember the first part. I know I was feeling a bit uncomfortable at the time. I had some kind of problem.

Appearances and Reality of Us (#275)

6. ZRM. I close my eyes and count my breaths for a while and then start to concentrate on nose, throat, lungs, heart, stomach…and then I find myself drifting of to sleep. I catch myself quickly and start to record. What now? I try to watch my thoughts but I can;t find them. Are they there? Today I went to an Islamic Friday prayer service in SL. It will be a weekly event. The imagery was so different than what I am used to. Different words and different metaphors for the same thing.

5. F. pause before the final lap of a loooonnng week

4. F. A little pause to focus on the moment

3. Gr. Remembering the blessings bestowed upon me. This is one of the areas that I messed up in the previous years and helped me forget the love. Ah the sapping strength of negative energy.

2. TGT. Alive again on an in-between morning. I could not decide if the day felt like Spring or Winter. There was an appearance of Spring with the light and an appearance of winter with the chill in the air. Spring is coming.

1. This morning I have been applying some of my experience with avatars to real life. We rarely think about how much our appearance or names affect not only the way people interact with us, but the way we behave. It must be more so in real life since everyone knows that an avatar does not represent the real people. Although some people may consider that there is choice in the way the avatar looks. I find myself just reacting as if the avatar is a real person which is really a silly thing for me to do considering. The points to this ramble are…1) can we just decide to be the person we want to be and forget about the facade? 2) Will people let us do that? With some understanding of the process, we can at least try. The Virtual worlds allow as to try out different forms to get at the process. I think it is important that we learn to take that role playing lightly.

I also was thinking about actors and how they always seemed so confusing to me. I never could get a handle on who was the real person. It is fun that I now have gotten a chance to be an actor myself.

Practicing Love (#274)

7. F. I try again. There is a task I haven’t done for a while and I started doing it again yesterday. It reminds me of the big project even though it is much smaller in size. It is creating anxiety which I think is carrying over into the evenings. I moved far away from the love.

6. ZRM. I am in a strange way tonight. I seem to be carrying around a burden. Is it just tiredness?  Is it the transition? Also I guess I am coming down from the excitement of the weekend. Maybe it is a matter of focusing or getting control of my mind.

Hmm. I lost  stop here. Must not have saved it

5. F. pause…I haven’t experienced this quiet for a while. Does the mind know when it needs to quiet down?

4. F. pause

3. Gr. Glad to be here among other things

2. TGT. Alive again on an overcast day to experience what I can on this great big round, blue and white stage where I am one among billions of extras

1. A Conversation

***: Hi there
Adams Rubble: Hello
***: Wow! You have done everything I could have asked, and did ask, of you
Adams Rubble: Yes, it is a bittersweet time
***: I feel it too
Adams Rubble: I have been waiting for you to kill me off
***: I learned a thing or two about my selves/identities in these past few months
Adams Rubble: I don’t understand
***: You all are full of surprises and the best way to handle you all is to take you all lightly. Enjoy you all when you are fun and then drop you when I need to Listen (in Pema’s words). Besides you have put this into a new direction
Adams Rubble: I thought you would have been a little upset with me
***: Oh, you had me worried for a time. I am never sure when you push into new directions, but I was learning from you along the way. You sure stood up to the naysayer voice within me
Adams Rubble: Well we did pay a price, didn’t we
***: Yes, I feel a little bad about that
Adams Rubble: : Me too. Why did you stick with me?
***: The Chronicles was yours to write. I didn’t want to play around with losing the memories
Adams Rubble: Thank you. It was great fun
***: You weren’t with me yesterday
Adams Rubble: For some reason you dropped me
***: Did I do that? I was changing directions after you finished writing the Chronicles and getting back to the routine and things I had put off. I guess in thinking you finished your work, I let you slip
Adams Rubble: I felt a little bad watching negative energy build up in you
*** Income tax preparation will do that . Thanks for your concern. I know how you love. Among all the things you have been and done, and your looking at everything with fresh eyes was a biggie, I mostly appreciate you reminding me of the love. Last night I was wondering why I had let it wither up to a small fraction of itself. Why did I think everything else was so important? Last Sunday you made love explode in me. It is still there, glowing like a little lamp inside me
Adams Rubble: That is wonderful
***: This morning I was thinking about you
Adams Rubble: Uh oh
***: No, not that way. I was pondering how much other avatar friends get concerned whenever I mention your work may be done
Adams Rubble: My friends!
***: Yes, OUR friends! You are the warmest, most open identity of mine. The old, grumpy, naysaying identity is hard to love. Anyway I was thinking about love and the fact that Geo talked about “striving for love”. To me striving means to not just bask in it but to try it out…to make it active. Connect to the timeless element of love. I need to look around lovingly and listen
Adams Rubble: I haven’t been such a great listener
***: Ha ha, you ARE quite the talker . I like that about you
Adams Rubble blushes
***: Anyway, I was thinking that if you were to practice, hmmmm, let’s call it “love application”. You are more open and loving and the perfect identity/self/manifestation/avatar to try this out. Then you can be the voice in me helping me to remember
Adams Rubble: It would be nice to have work again
***: Great…see you around then
Adams Rubble: Bye

Dreaming Venders (#273)

6. F. pause. I didn’t pause enough today and wasn’t calm but I did get alot done. I am sort of in an in between time. Not totally sure what is next. I have chores that have been put off that need attending.

5. F. pause…thinking about the various exercises and which might be most effective for me now

4. F. I try to step outside and look at myself at the keyboard as a human being connected to other humanity

3. Gr. For friends…for the usual things

2. TGT. I take this slowly and think about it…Another day in which to be alive.

1. Dream Fragments (not sure where one ended and another began): I spent a bit of time selling things at various times in history. Much of the time I had a horse and wagon filled with wares traveling from place to place. I was in Europe and United States coinciding with times and places some of my ancestors lived. At one point I was with a friend and insisted the friend look at a shop and pointed out how that my grandmother’s candy store must have looked a bit like that (I never knew this grandmother or the store). Later I was breaking up cardboard boxes and the last one was a pizza box which transported me to some undergraduate academic place where I was at a meeting. I got hungry and went to the dining hall. They were cleaning up and there wasn’t much to eat but I got a pizza and a few other little things. I went to get in line and saw a cashier I knew who was waving to me. I went to check out there but someone saw us and rushed to go first. He was buying a single hotdog and was taking free rolls from a bin and slowly cutting up the rolls and the hotdogs and arranging them on the bread. The cashier and I tried to hurrying him up but he said he knew his rights and he we would get in trouble if we tried to interfere. He then started to work more slowly. Another cashier was coming back from break and made eye contact and waved me over to his machine. While I was moving over two of the slices of my pizza fell off my tray onto the floor. I picked them up and put them in the trash. Then I started to move out to find a table and there were crowds everywhere. I had to walk through a narrow trellis. I could get though but could not fit the tray through so I lifted it over the top. When I did all but two slices of the pizza fell on the ground and I had to through it away. I was left with just two little pieces for my lunch.

I have no idea what any of that means but it is suggested by a discussion of distant ancestors and then thinking about their movements. So am I connecting to those who lived before?

Sunshine (#272)

13. F. It has been quite a day and evening.

12. F. For all my efforts to make it simple there seems to be quite a bit to remember.

11. F. just a stop..thought it would be more

10. F. I stop…I let my “self” recede a bit. I try to step out side and look at myself sitting at the keyboard.

9. BrM.

8. Piet sent me this Augustine quote be email and I want to have it here to think about:

Once for all, then, a short precept is given thee: Love, and do what
thou wilt: whether thou hold thy peace, through love hold thy peace;
whether thou cry out, through love cry out; whether thou correct,
through love correct; whether thou spare, through love do thou spare:
let the root of love be within, of this root can nothing spring but
what is good.

7. One more thing…geez…what a morning. Someone told me about a book called Zen Mind, Beginners Mind and I bought a copy and it came in the mail yesterday. I didn’t have a chance to get to it last night. I opened it this morning and read the prologue and then the last page. The prologue described what I did with Adams to a degree and which is why I always got the energy from using the avatar. The more Adams was different, the more energy I received. The last page almost describes my first dream described below. Am I Zen?

6. F. just a pause to remember that none of the below is what is important

5. Soooo. Maybe I didn’t try to suppress Adams yesterday. Maybe my unconscious feels I am ready to do it alone now? I had set put to learn from Adams and I have learned what I wanted to learn now.

4. Dreams. dreams. dreams. My unconscious speaking to me….

I think I had the following dream twice yesterday, at least starting it twice:

I was dressed in yellow..almost like a yellow burka but the outfit had no definition whatsoever. I was meeting with a bunch of people dressed in black…ominous looking figures. We were meeting at the ruins of a house…all blackened, possibly from a fire, industrial oil and weathering. There was not roof and the walls were only about 3 feet high. It was a former urban industrial area and there was some kind of body of water nearby. The surroundings were mostly gray or black. Next thing I remember is that I was leading the group around and we were looking at the life that had grown up among the discarded industry waste. I remember pulling aside some weeds and pointing out a little flower. A butterfly came and landed on the flower and then took off into the next plot. I remember saying that the butterfly did not know this was a wasteland because he was only looking for the flower and he has taken the pollen off to the next plot.

Second dream: I was in my house with my spouse and some mutual friends stopped by. We had been to their house for a couple of new year’s eve celebrations a few years again. Actually they were more friends of my spouse but I like them too. Anyway they had been looking to buy a house and we sold them ours although we had no idea of whether we would be able to use the money to buy a new one.

Third dream: I don’t remember it except that I was more overtly sunshiny…with Adams’ face and some sunlight contraption around my face and a big smile interacting with people.

3. I have been so dumb!!! I have felt the love that I felt on Sunday before. I had just forgotten it. Maybe what I needed to learn was constancy of Love. Love is always there. It does not seek advantage. It does not ebb and flow like the tides or the waves. It remains firm.

2. Gr. For firnds to begin with and then my usual list, with a bit more intensity felt

1. TGT. A beautiful, sunny cold day with the Spring flowers bravely opening their cold petals to the bright sunshine

The King (#271)

7. BrM.

6. BrM. I count my breaths to focus my mind. There are a series of steps…take it slowly…appearance… presence in the context of timelessness…connection to Being manifested in other human beings…opens me to understanding Love…experience Love…but I am frightened on some level…not ready to leave comfortable way of doing…not comfortable breaking habits…that is pulling me away…there are conflicting notions to resolve while trying to live and function in real world…the idea of sinfulness is not helpful in the context. The sin should be the willful moving away from Love shouldn’t it? Paul seems to be saying good works without Love is empty not sinful. Introducing the word “sin” seems to introduce a trap. Christians can renounce (drop) sin during the liturgy, and it is comforting, but it is empty because it is only dropping the guilt and not remedying the reasons for the separation from Love or God.

5. F. Just a stop for a bit and see I had reverted to the reaction from the counter reaction. Still I am trying to tone it down

4. F. It is so interesting. So soon I am having a reaction against the reaction. Is it because I immediately saw where the reaction would take me? The reaction was almost on an unconscious level. It began without my noticing yesterday and strengthened overnight. The counter reaction has been gaining momentum since I woke up. I wonder what that means? I wonder WHAT that means? It did not happen by stopping and focusing on appearance in the context of timelessness. No. The counter reaction happened because I thought in terms of how Adams would finish up the project.

3. Gr. Grateful for my friends…

2. TGT. Remembering it is enough to be alive in this beautiful world.

***: AD, what are you doing here?
AD: You know why I am here
***: Well you weren’t needed to finish the project. AR was working through that beautifully
AD: I was here yesterday. You just did not notice
***: Oh my. I see it. That’s why I could not connect with the feeling of love. Oh my. Are you here because of fear?
AD: I am not able to tell you that. I can only do my job.
***: I understand it is not you. Keep up the good work. Just please do not over do it

1. I removed the story of the king today. If you know me well I will send it to you. I may rework the story and repost itlater.

Love (# 270)

8.

7. F. From the Phillips version: “This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience-it looks for a way of being constructive. It is not possessive; it is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance.
Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage. It is not touchy. It does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. On the contrary, it is glad with all good men when truth prevails.
Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; itt can outlast anything. It is in fact, the one thing that stands when all else is fallen.” (I Corinthians 13: 5-8)

6. F. Well, I mostly have done what I could do on this for now. Time for a bit of rest and reflection. I have moved far away from the Love I felt yesterday. Does it bother me that that is sin in the terms of Geo’s analogy. hmmm. No, as long as the word sin  is taken lightly. It says more about trying to come up with a definition of sin than my state at the moment.

5. F. Wow, it seems a long time since I wrote last. I have been busy, being guardian, doing an interview, finishing up the main content of the Chronicles, posting asession  log and now working on the scribe thingy. Among these I stopped in to check on the avatars who were quiet today after their busy day yesterday. I found that a little surprising.

4. F. Hurt and Love = Hell and Heaven ???

3. F. Go slowly. I could blog about this all day or at least for the next few hours but it would be better to finish what I have set out for myself today. When I stepped outside into a beautiful day I realized I made a box for myself, i.e. I had clouds around me. I concentrated on exhales to take some control and then forced myself to look at the appearance around me. The strong sun still low in the sky casting deep shadows from the houses and still bare trees. Crocuses in full bloom. Birds singing away. In doing that I realized I must accept the whole appearance from yesterday. The appearance of the hurt as well as the Love which then appeared. Significant was that it was not just going through the motions of comforting. It was total unconditional Love. How can I put that into words? There were no conditions, no strings. There was no impatience. Oh my, I must go back myself and look at Paul’s description. “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant  or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (from http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=1+Corinthians+13) Now as Geo defined “sin” yesterday, every movement away from that Love is a “sin”. In that sense I am a very sinful person indeed. Fortunately or unfortunately my connection with Being tells me that in that sense I am like every human being who every lived or will live. In knowing that, that part is a bit too much for me to think too much about. Is it a duty or does it flow naturally. I have much yet to learn. Yes, I am a novice still.

2. Gr. Slowly I am becoming grateful for the moving appearance with which I was presented yesterday. It was the appearance of Love. The hurt was only the means to the Love. My “world” is becoming more amazing every day. I have been so blessed with appearances. I remember Pema saying to me when I had my first vision not to get too attached to it and that greater things would come. Then came the rocking, and the great space, and then the realization of the paths being closed tube spaces for me, and now this. Love. wu wei to Love. But not totally wu wei for I created the situation. Now having written this, I feel a calmness, a peace. I have been touched by Being. It would be interesting to put what happened yesterday into APAPB but I am not up to it right now. Maybe later today.

1. TGT. I slept deeply and do not remember dreaming at all. That probably is significant.  But I am up early and feel tired. I still feel the physical effects from the shaking in my arms. I feel  a lack of confidence this morning and it will take a bit of courage to do what I have to do today. But there is much to be done today too so I can’t allow myself to get too distracted by the mess around the lab from the exploded experiment. One can only clean up the best one can. That is the report. Now I remember that it is enough to be alive on this Sunday morning. I have Being with me. My goodness I can say that and it has meaning for me.