24. End of day. Nothing to write
23. F. pause
22. F. pause
[long break here]
20-21. F. pause
19. F. Quieter now. I still feel the stress.
17-18. F. pause
16. BrM. A true stop, taking myself out of time’s restraints, I reflect on Being and myself. I am a child of….of what? of the world? of Being? of God? All beings are my siblings? What is the difference between me and the turkey I may be eating on Thanksgiving? I pause a little longer to appreciate this moment away from time. I do not want to go back.
15. F. pause
14. BrM. I am feeling great stress as I try to pull all the pieces together today. I spend a little extra time trying to look for the source of the stress and watching myself deal with it. I think the stress is related to anticipation of the end against very tedious, repetitive checking procedures. I also am beginning to think about the things I need to do when the project finally is finished. Ah, transitional stress. I’ve seen you before. I remind myself that the causes of the stress are all illusions.
5-13. F. pause
4. F. The past couple of weeks have been a bit different for me. I am watching my “self” be itself, able to moderate it. Everything else is moderated too. There seem to be no new ideas about myself or reality or Being. It is quiet on that score although productive in other areas. It was the first weekend for a long time seemingly without some kind of significant event although there may be some unfinished dream business. As I watch myself, I am conscious that each of these little periods can be appreciated for what they are. I am learning about “not doing” or wu-wei.
3. Gr. Another thing to remember
2. TGT. Just getting around to remembering that it is enough to be alive today. I try to grab that thought and hold on to it. Yes, everything seems to be functioning
1. New pattern of wakefulness seemingly due to project stress.
