9. F. NN
[long break here]
8. F. NN
7. F. pause
6. F. pause. My mind seems very quiet today but aware in a way, listening….
5. F. pause. I feel a bit sobered by my weekend in the labyrinth of my mind…and tired
4. F. When I mentioned my connection with the “freeing” space and the then the resulting bout with sleeplessness yesterday morning in PaB, one of the suggestions was that I was frightened by it. I have been pondering whether that might be the case. it didn’t seem to fit. The contrast with the subsequent dream about real life and avatar selves though is very striking. In addition, something seems to be breaking down in me. I have wondered whether, having seen this vision of this wonderful space, maybe I am just not ready for it. In Judeo-Christian terms one might say “I am not worthy Lord”. Maybe I am just overwhelmed by the majesty or magnitude.
3. Gr.
2. TGT. Antoher day to be alive and I remind myself it is enough…it is enough.
1. My thoughts overnight were all over the place. I seemed to be sleeping lightly and woke up a number of times, but was not awake for extended times. Each time I tried to keep myself quiet by doing a body sweep and trying to find my calm space and calming my “self” (selves?). But my thoughts are somewhat troubled and I have lost some kind of organizing ability. I no longer seem confident about my priorities for the things that need to be done. I have had thoughts ranging from “this is not working” (meaning PaB) to “I am not putting enough time into this” (meaning PaB). My thoughts and dreams overnight seem to be entirely PaB related. The most interesting dream or half-dream was the last where there were real life pictures of various real life PaB members with Pema being the most animated. I was conversing vigorously with the pictures by typing away and they (mostly Pema) were typng back to me.
