10. APAPB. The sound of a single cricket calling from outside the window.
9. APAPB. At the afternoon PaB session today, I was reminded that I have a memory from when I was six months old. I remembered fire engines, hoses and fear in my mother. I was a witness to the appearance of fear…a presentation of Being. So I have a memory close to the person who there when I was born and will be there when I die.
[long break here]
8. F. Now I understand why I ended up on the bridge this morning. Pema gave me a hint this morning when he suggested that I might not want to take my “self” across the bridge. The bridge is a good staging area for me. Lots of room to soar off the bridge. It IS a wonderful, beautiful view for my “self” to enjoy 
. Now there is a compromise .
7. F. My mind is warning me this will be tough and that I may not be able to do this. Mind is saying that I haven’t done anything yet. I am still same old person. So many “I”s in those sentences.
6. APAPG. I feel, that the exercises that Pema has given to us, all point to this. This is walking with God. God working through us (in Christian terms). God seeing. Being seeing. We witnessing. [Another term with meaning in Christian metaphor. Witnesses for Christ. There it means evangelism though.] Recognizing this will be difficult. Christians pray to God for guidance. Focusing on the God in us. Witnessing the God in others and around us. Some of this circles around the clear vision I had in #5.
5. All the sudden Nisargadatta, what Pema has been telling me, and my former Christian experience all come together and there are sparks flying everywhere. bzzzzapppp. a) Pema talking of freedom. b) Nisargadatta saying that liberation is knowing that we are beyond birth and death. c) I think to myself “I know this!” Once I knew what it was like to feel that I was beyond birth and death. I once had that and lost it because the metaphor of Christ’s infinite mercy was taken too literally. What a loss it was and I have felt that depair all my life. Here it is in front of me again, the door. I am back off my bridge at the door. No snakes! To go through the door, I only need to begin to see from this point of view. I can do this! This is Being seeing. This is the Presentation of Being. Everything!
4. APAPG. Yesterday I began to know the person who I am seeking. The question today is WHO is seeing that person? WHO is seeing the “self” who has the identities and attachments? Does the same WHO see both? Is that WHO the person or the “self”? And is the determining factor whether it is Being or God who is being seen by the WHO?
3. F. I am not ready to write yet
[long break for doctor's visit and morning PaB session. I have new exercises to do to learn how to walk correctly again. Hmmm. Didn't we just do this? ]
2. GR. Lest I forget
1. TGT. Another new day on this planet earth. I am alive. I am doing some bicycling. I am off to the doctor this morning to find out if I can be more daring
* * * * * *
During the night I had an image of my self on bridges. First I was standing on a graceful cast iron bridge that is actually in Central Park, NYC. But then I was standing on other type bridges mostly with scenery reminiscent of that seen on the upper Delaware River bridges. The view was wonderful and I was enjoying it very much. Now that I am thinking about it, I never had any desire to see what was on the other side of the bridge. Is this a metaphor for me, that I am content to stay there but am missing what is ahead? Are the bridges telling me that it is time to leave the calm waters I was in yesterday.
Woke up again to my dog friend barking and rather than be annoyed, I think about this poor creature. Yesterday dog behavior was brought up. Would he bark less if out in a pack? If Bowie was in a pack, the others might have to kill him or starve to death because the prey would know whenever the pack was near.
