8, GS or BS. I haven’t begun to enjoy doing this exercise yet but I think it has helped me. What does God see? I am supposed not to help Him/Her. Hmmm. The child plays grownup. Dresses in Mama’s or Dada’s clothes. I put on a long white gown and a big white beard and get a big staff. Super-shepherd! Able to leap high mountains and burn bushes unless I prefer to make them talk. I can smote enemies or barking dogs. I can re-arrange the seraphim and churubim around me. I can bellow in a deep booming voice to that little figure running around down there. “I am part of you and you are within me. Your fellow creatures are also you, and you they.” [and all this time God is watching me play God]. I take off the white beard and put on a brown one. Blessed are the pure in Spirit for they shall see God”. “Love thy enemies”. [still God watches me play]. I go around helping sick people and telling stories about people lying on a side of a road and no one helping. I begin to understand that this is the part of God that is easiest for us to emulate. Hmmm. There may be a purpose to this playing. Now, the hardest part to play. I take of the beard and pretend to be invisible. I have the power to make people speak clearly. hmmm. I can fill people hearts and give them hope and courage. “Keep a stiff upper lip old man”.[is that God frowning?] I tire of the game and take out a ball and bounce it against the wall.
7. Seeing. Thinking about September it will be interesting to watch anxiety begin to color my seeing. So far I am very calm. I can see how it becomes important to shed outdated “appearances” as we transition from one stage of life into another. That includes “identities” that have served their purpose and are outdated. I wonder what else may be lurking yet. Focus on the moment, the eternal moment. This is what religions do so well. The Christian liturgy connects 2000 years, other rituals even longer. The rituals remain as people transition between life’s stages. Everything changes but there is a constant eternal moment. But I now know we have it in ourselves too when we see clearly.
6. Seeing. I am struck with the thought that I do not have the same images of the place I live now compared to those places of childhood. Is that because I have been blind to what is actually there? I have better images of the places I go to enjoy nature but still not as rich as those from the farm we visited as youth. I have a feeling I will be seeing more from now on.
5. Seeing. I am finding it easier to look around and see what is there without attaching thoughts. I think this is what has been happening the last few days. I am not feeling any stress; I am just relaxed. That will change soon. Can I have insights just being calm. My memories of my grandfather continue…wonderful, warm memories of childhood. So many of those people are gone now and the places too much changed. Farms into housing developments. Inner city has lost its factories, and churches have deteriorated. Many houses missing. It seems such a different place than what I remember. That world seemed so much bigger then too. But I rarely go to any of those places anymore and I have no need or desire to. It is the spirit of the farm, the spirit of nature that has lingered. The wildflowers in the fields. The crows calling from the trees or barnswallows sweeping across an open space. The welcome shade of a solitary mulberry tree in a sunny field. Walking along a dirt road on a hot summer day. Spider webs in the barn. The smell of horses and cows. The call of mourning doves or bobwhites. The site of an animal suddenly startled by my presence. The clouds moving across the sky in an open space. And the wonderful peacefulness. Seeing the rolling fields. Suddenly I begin to hear Beethovens 6th or 7th symphony. When I listen to eitther of them I am often transported back to this farm of my childhood visits. And the city too with wonders. The rag shop down the street…recycling was there then. A magical place with all kinds of neat stuff around and hanging from the walls. A church on almost every block as well as a factory and a bar. I remember noting the importance of these three institutions. It was terribly hot in the summer..the only trees were Sumacs which became a solitary, scarred pole in the winter. Everything in walking distance. Most of life was lived in on three blocks in the shape of an “L” but a grandfather lived on a street off the “L”. There was a grocery store there too. What an adventure when my mother would walk us ten blocks away to go to the stores including a Five and Ten where we could sit at a counter and have a little lunch. Or ten blocks in another direction to a park where there was a caroussel. Or about six blocks in another direction where there was a huge railroad switching yards. My brother and I could stand on a bridge over the tracks and watch long freight trains being dismantled and put together; the yard engines moving back and forth over a maze of tracks. Looking out the school windows at an industrial landscape. I remember drawing the landscapes as art projects. Ah images, appearances, memories. Hmmm. Was that a seeing exercise or a memory drop?
4. F. Enjoying telling people in real life about my insight. I am going to need to think about applying some of the things I learned to new situations come September. Maybe I need to apply the barking dog strategy to people. Of course it is basically about people but I have taken a short cut in my thinking of it and it is transmitted directly by the dog.
3. F. Hmmmm. Still somewhat distracted. Enjoying my time off
2. F. I feel like I can see now in a new way. Watching thoughts. Watching images before the thoughts. Watching thoughts attached to the images. I feel connected this morning. A couple of days to pause and enjoy. Now time to push on? What am I still not seeing?
1. TGT. Another very beautiful morning to enjoy on this wonderful planet earth. I am late getting starting again this morning but I was up earlier for the end of what was my first 1:00 session. It was a little disappointing because my mind had imagined a session in the dark with colored lights; the pavilion looked the same as always. Of course, I knew better but the image was there when I read the logs.
I have so much to be grateful for this morning including the progress on my knee. Hopefully I won’t do anything stupid but less than 48 hourse later I am walking around with no pain killers. It seems a miracle like those I have been having spiritually. Funny though, the last couple of days I have gone to many PaB sessions and had some long conversations in SL instead of spending time on the exercises. It would be possible to do both but I am not.
