Invasion (#79)

4. F. A day of getting things ready for the week and doing some reflection about the three months in  PaB. I want to continue on behavior modification in RL. Help me to see the God/Being around me and in others.

[long break here]

3. APAPB. Yellow fungas, like a yellow aurea borealis, presenting itself on the front lawn this morning.

2. Gr. Focused on just one this morning

1. TGT. It is enough to just be alive

*     *     *     *     *     *

Last night I went to bed wondering how I was going to take my new insights into my daily life. So far my attempts at conversation have not gone all that well so I have some concerns. I had a some complex dream, or series of dreams, with a fairly simple message for me.  Unfortunately it has taken me awhile to get to write it down and some things may appear sketchy at best.

Word was out that we were about to be invaded by a certain country in which a certain P is residing. We all had to go to a certain place where I was issued some kind of machine gun/assault weapon, a side arm (a six-shooter from the 1950s cowboy movies – Gene Autry, the “singing cowboy” style] and a pair of binoculars. I was given a post with another person [from our PaB group]. The post was a house and we discussed the fact that the wall would be no protection from bullets since they would pass right through. Still, duty is duty, so we took our post. It was night and I remember I could see dark forms approaching the post. We went out to manuever but as we approached each figure it would disappear. There seemed to be no threat. But then we were captured [details hazy here] and the two of use ended up in the back of a taxicab with a third larger figure. I had my machine gun pressed up against his cheek but then he did a manuever and the machine gun was pressed up against me. Somehow that figure disappeared and I had lost my weapon. I still had my side arm but it was useless [because it was a toy?][That part of the dream is hazy]. I then ran away and went to find someone very important to me. I found the person in a garden with two favorite little places, both little gardens of the type developed by the invading country. I remember thinking that the invaders would feel comfortable with this and everything would be OK. I then realized that the dream was addressing my concerns for how the new changes invading my life that were affecting important relationships. There will be some change but there is common ground. “Not to worry” it will be OK.

Looking Back (#78)

7. F. The three month long retreat comes to an end. Seems a huge transformation in viewing of my person. Seems such a small change in my dealings with the world around. This is going to be the hard part. Although I have learned to recognize my person, I have not yet learned to recognize the “persons” in the world around. I am part of Being; Being is me. People around me are part of Being. Being is them. Does it help if I say I am part of God; God is within me. All persons are part of God; God is within them. We are children of God. Help me to see the God in those around me as well as in myself. Help me to see from from my person. Help me to see with the eyes of God.

6. APAPB – It is twilight, almost dark. Walking slowly, careful to put down heel first, not allowing feet to slip into toe first motion. Breathing in, light coming up from heels; breathe out light going down in front. Lights on in windows now of almost every house. Light draining from sky, reappearing in windows, street lights, porch lights, garden walk lights.

5. F. Who am I? Who is this person who I have finally found? Why these anxieties about work this fall? There is nothing to fear. There are no snakes there.

4. BikeM. Pema said Nisaragadatta is like vodka. I understood that while out when I thought I need to read some when I get back. It IS the hard stuff. I stop and listen to some music before hand. When I used to go to church, there always was a choir anthem or hymn before the sermon to set the stage. I have a general feeling of great calm interspersed with mild anxiety once in a while.

3. F. Lots of thoughts beginning to bombard me as I start to gear up for the challenge ahead of me. In this morning Pema notes that he feels responsible for doing a good job but not for the results. That is the detachment from identity with the work. Enjoy the work and wear if lightly.

2. Gr. I dwell on sis of the most important ones and then immediately a seventh pops into the head

1. TGT. Back from a bicycle ride on a rainy day (between drops). I am alive, and moving around, on this wonderful earth.

*     *     *     *     *     *

Looking back over what I am beginning to think of as my intermediate years (my middle life), I have been thinking of love as a presentation of appearance last evening and this morning. Love between married couples, or “would be married” couples, or just couples, love of parents, love of children. All these are transitory in themselves. Hmm. I can’t express what I am thinking. It is probably too fuzzy yet . The love has been a sustaining force in my life.

On Either Side of the Bridge (#77)

3. F. I am writing this Saturday morning about a Friday night experience. After dinner on a large porch: 24 long stemmed glasses of various sizes on a long table with three large candles: flickering light, giving off changing, tiny rainbows of color: what a beautiful presentation of appearance of Being. Pulsing sound of insects all around us.

2. Gr. One of these days I am going to count these

1. TGT. I am alive again for another cloudy, later rainy day on the wonderful planet earth.

*     *     *     *     *     *

The metaphor is mine and I should go with my gut along with the helpful suggestion from Pema that I do not need to leave the bridge. I am planted on the bridge. Like Moses and the promised land, my “self” can go no further. But the view is wonderful and I seem to be content there. On one side of the bridge is the finding of my “inner self”, my “basic person”. I have seen that person, connected to that person. It is the land of the eternal, the eternal moment. On the other side, my “real self” dominates in the world of the transitory. At present, I see the person who will soon be back at the workplace resides too. The workplace is a looming challenge and I expect to constantly finding myself back on that side of the bridge in the coming weeks. The important thing is that I learn to recognize it. The workplace itself is very transitory for me.

From Bridges Back to the Door (#76)

10. APAPB. The sound of a single cricket calling from outside the window.

9. APAPB. At the afternoon PaB session today, I was reminded that I have a memory from when I was six months old. I remembered fire engines, hoses and fear in my mother. I was a witness to the appearance of fear…a presentation of Being. So I have a memory close to the person who there when I was born and will be there when I die.

[long break here]

8. F. Now I understand why I ended up on the bridge this morning. Pema gave me a hint this morning when he suggested that I might not want to take my “self” across the bridge. The bridge is a good staging area for me. Lots of room to soar off the bridge. It IS a wonderful, beautiful view for my “self” to enjoy . Now there is a compromise .

7. F. My mind is warning me this will be tough and that I may not be able to do this. Mind is saying that I haven’t done anything yet. I am still same old person. So many “I”s in those sentences.

6. APAPG. I feel, that the exercises that Pema has given to us, all point to this. This is walking with God. God working through us (in Christian  terms). God seeing. Being seeing. We witnessing. [Another term with meaning in Christian metaphor. Witnesses for Christ. There it means evangelism though.] Recognizing this will be difficult. Christians pray to God for guidance. Focusing on the God in us. Witnessing the God in others and around us. Some of this circles around the clear vision I had in #5.

5. All the sudden Nisargadatta, what Pema has been telling me, and my former Christian experience all come together and there are sparks flying everywhere. bzzzzapppp. a) Pema talking of freedom. b) Nisargadatta saying that liberation is knowing that we are beyond birth and death. c) I think to myself “I know this!” Once I knew what it was like to feel that I was beyond birth and death. I once had that and lost it because the metaphor of Christ’s infinite mercy was taken too literally. What a loss it was and I have felt that depair all my life. Here it is in front of me again, the door. I am back off my bridge at the door. No snakes! To go through the door, I only need to begin to see from this point of view. I can do this! This is Being seeing. This is the Presentation of Being. Everything!

4. APAPG. Yesterday I began to know the person who I am seeking. The question today is WHO is seeing that person? WHO is seeing the “self” who has the identities and attachments? Does the same WHO see both? Is that WHO the person or the “self”? And is the determining factor whether it is Being or God who is being seen by the WHO?

3. F. I am not ready to write yet

[long break for doctor's visit and morning PaB session. I have new exercises to do to learn how to walk correctly again. Hmmm. Didn't we just do this? ]

2. GR. Lest I forget

1. TGT. Another new day on this planet earth. I am alive. I am doing some bicycling. I am off to the doctor this morning to find out if I can be more daring

*    *     *     *     *     *

During the night I had an image of my self on bridges. First I was standing on a graceful cast iron bridge that is actually in Central Park, NYC. But then I was standing on other type bridges mostly with scenery reminiscent of that seen on the upper Delaware River bridges. The view was wonderful and I was enjoying it very much. Now that I am thinking about it, I never had any desire to see what was on the other side of the bridge. Is this a metaphor for me, that I am content to stay there but am missing what is ahead? Are the bridges telling me that it is time to leave the calm waters I was in yesterday.

Woke up again to my dog friend barking and rather than be annoyed, I think about this poor creature. Yesterday dog behavior was brought up. Would he bark less if out in a pack? If Bowie was in a pack, the others might have to kill him or starve to death because the prey would know whenever the pack was near.

Calm Waters (#75)

10. F. We had some discussion today about giving things up. My feeling then was that we do not have to give up things that are important to get to the “I AM”. We will still be parents, wives, husbands, children, brothers or sisters. We don’t have to give up employment or education. We only need to see that these identities are not us, they must be worn lightly. They are transitory. We must be prepared for the possibility we might lose them. Whether we are able to see we are Being or not, they are transitory. So we have nothing to lose to go on. The snakes are painted. Now, how do I open the door?

9. F. Near the end of the day and still feeling pretty calm. Could Enlightened Being be one who found the person who was there at birth and will be there at death? So much basic learning after birth. We come with the instinct to walk, lose it, and relearn it. We can eat when fed but learn to get food and eat it ourselves. We learn basic survival knowledge. Yet there is a person who learns that. OK.

When a child is born it is easy for parents to see the child as a gift from God. It is a miracle beyond belief that happens so often every day. Each time someone is awed (well hopefully). Love of that child usually is instant too. So natural to love this child, this miracle of life. Once a child is born it is as if the child always was. The child is given a name and the child becomes that name for the parent. It is as the child always had that name, always was a part of the parents. That is the eternal, the eternal moment. The presentation of appearance as the appearance of God.

So now I have a working definition of enlightened being for me.

8. APAPG. Child of God. Kinda old Child of God. Everything I see and hear is a presentation of God.

[long break including afternoon PaB session]

7. APAPG. I am looking at the appearance of myself as presentation of God. I am sitting on the porch at this moment. Many, many moments before I might have been here lying in a carriage covered with a fabric screening me from bugs. At another moment from now I might be sitting here in pain, unable to walk, covered with a blanket someone put on me, unable to move, unable to take care of myself but alive, stripped of my present identities, being…and Being. In each case conscious or unconscious. In each case witnessing and having witnessed the transition.

6. F. One of the advantages of the PaB session chat logs is that we can back and watch ourselves and sometimes notice how our thought patterns are developing. So often I see myself misunderstanding or saying things that are irrelevant because my mind is going in a different direction. Interestingly for me, I recently have been finding myself making statements of long held belief that I find myself questioning now.

5. F. Doug has often stated that he too sees more when he is agitated. I think that is when we can best see our mind playing tricks. There ought to be something that comes clearer in a period of calm like this.

4. F. I was present at my birth but I do not remember being there. I know that I will be there at my death but can not fully comprehend what will happen. I can imagine the lights being turned off and the generator ceasing to hum. Maharaj talks about the “I AM” as the supreme and the “I  AM” as a witness. I understand the latter best in remember seeing how my mind had hidden a memory from me. [Since that time I realize that there is another aspect to that situation. We are born with personality tendencies, often called "body chemistry". Some of us are more easy going, outgoing than others. That fact puts another layer to the story but that is all.] So I have seen my mind attach thoughts, offer compromises, obfuscate, and distort. But I stopped there and haven’t been able to pick that up again. Why?

[I had fallen asleep on the porch and was dreaming but a loud noise woke me up and I can't remember it at all. Only remember there was a conversation. drats!]

3. F. We are sons or daughters. We may be brothers or sisters. We may be husbands or wives. We may be fathers or mothers. We have an occupational identity. Maybe educational or professional identities. All of these are important but all are transitory to us. They can not define our existence. Each may be disrupted and yet we remain to be conscious while we await our own death.

[from Nisargadatta Maharaj: "Were you not present at your birth? Will you not be present at your death? Find him who is always present and your problem of spontaneous and perfect response will be solved" .p.54. When I read that I said "Wow" out loud--Yes!]

2. Gr. The progress my knee is making is one of the newer items on the list

1. TGT. The weather the past couple of days had been perfect. It makes it so easy to wake up and appreciate being alive for another day on this wonderful planet.

*     *     *     *     *     *

I am in very calm waters. This morning I woke up and listened for a long time to my neighbor’s now somewhat infamous barking dog and was empathizing with the unhappiness in his little dog brain. His sole reaction to any presentation of appearance is to bark. Many of the other dogs in the neighborhood join in briefly but none have the stamina of this little Jack Russell Terrier. It certainly is persistent. Hmm, persistence. Am I like the neighbor’s dog barking at the presentation of appearance? Not today. Pure mellowness.

Impatience with “Self” (#74)

10. F. Today Pema gave me a metaphor for what I am seeking as a room protected by snakes which are only painted on the ground in front of the door. Helping God would be seeking ways to kill or eliminate the snakes. Help me with the fortitude to find the room and the courage to walk over the painted snakes. Help me to shed whatever else it is that I need to shed

9. APAPG. I feel on more certain ground about music now as a presentation of appearance. The crickets are chirping along with the musicians.

8. APAPG. I am in the same room. I am seeing this space as part of a long term shelter in which a grand event has played out. The nest is now near vacant. The flow of lives. Life’s transitions

[long break here]

7. APAPG. Watching the sunlight against the curtain, lighting up the vases on the window sill, reflecting off some unknown object that reflecting the sunlight against the bottom half of the sink and a leg of a table in front of it from my vanatage point in the next room. As I watch for a while the reflection is in slow motion. A dog is barking outside, maybe having its own experience with the presentation of appearance

6. APAPG. . Sitting on the porch, I close my eyes and enjoy the warm breezes massaging my skin. Nice example for experiencing the transitory nature of things.

5. F. I slowly try to comprehend. There is the basic self, the “I AM”. That self sees appearances that are a presentation by God/Being. That self is an appearance. That is all there is to it.

4. APAPG. The second time I do this in the room, I begin to think that we might be better off without some of the “things”. Are they blocking the appearance of God? But no, they are part of the appearance.

3. APAPG. (Appreciate the Presence of Appearance as a Presentation  by God). Adding new forms of stopping today. I am in a room and I look around and things seem new to me in some way. But I am a little perplexed this time too. I still see “things”

2. Gr. (Gratitude) I start to think of the usual list (getting longer) and add a new one. After the morning PaB session I went out and got on my bike and road down the driveway, and a little bit down the street in each direction, and then back up the driveway (uphill). I am ecstatic

1. TGT. Another new day to be alive on this beautiful planet

*     *     *     *     *     *

Lately I have become aware that my mind seems to be trying more and more new ways to distract. I can’t ignore all the things that are being raised in my mind, but I am becoming increasingly suspicious about them.

Musical Interlude (#73)

4. F. Watching myself watch

3. F. [pause with music playing] Seeing with my ears. No thoughts attached. Sacred moment?

2. F. Continuing my little quest to listen to all the sacred music of Alexander Gretchaninov I can get my hands on. Today I received in the mail a CD of the “Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom”. Funny, I suddenly have the thought that this is similar to the time when the Beattles would release a new song. Did they come at that frequency? Looking back, it almost appears to have been. Well that analogy does not go far except for expressing my enthisiasm right now. This has to be an appearance of Being.

[I began to work on something this morning and I am not sure I want to blog it. At the very least it is not ready. I am working out some things which are deeply personal right now. I am uncomfortable with the amount of "self" in those things. Is this my mind playing games as I am getting close?]

1. TGT. Second time up this morning but I think of my “smiling” generator and get a big smile. I also pause and remember to be grateful. I am alive. It is enough.

Coasting (#73)

9. Dreaming. I awake in the middle of the night and realize I have been dreaming and in the dream, I (not Adams) have been talking with a few PaB members about how Adams relates to the group.

8. F. Listening to the crickets again as I prepare for sleep. It has been a good day in PaB today. There is a question that is somewhat paradoxical. Is there something else? If I look for it I am helping God. If I don’t look for it, I may be postponing seeing it. Today I haven’t felt it is there. Is my mind playing games? Help me to see the things I do not see and those which I may be hiding from myself. Help me to know what I do not know. Help me to be a better person

7. F.  Not seeing anything differently

6. F. Seeing from the porch. Warm day, humidity relatively high, but blue sky and big fluffy clouds. Light breeze gently moving branches of trees and shrubs but different places at different times. One solitary bird is chirping away in the distance but there is an echo from the opposite direction. There is a sound of a distant air conditioner or fan. Now and then a car or voices invade on the otherwise tranquil moment.

5. F. The fish tank gurgles on; the birds are silent

4. F. Had a little break for a visit in RL. Now what?

3. F. Two hours of PaB meetings. Taking deep breath

2. Dream. I fell back asleep after writing this morning and woke up in a terrible panic from a dream. In fact I tried my best not to get up because I wanted to resolve it. Usually I try to write down a dream before I figure out what it means but this one is different because of the message I am inferring from it. I have been realizing that I can’t be as open anymore in the log, at least for now. It may be it is time to stop the log. Possibly a change will be enough. I was pretty open with what was happening to me but now it is starting to involve relationships and I can not blog about them. I suspected this was happening yesterday in a PaB session with Pia and Storm. Both listened to me and as I talked I had my own realizations and then both of them had an observation that I have taken to heart, so to speak.

In the dream I (RL me) was driving some family members on a bus and we had stopped overnight. One of the family members, who we were transporting, and I went to get on the bus and go some place first. I started the bus and the other person never got on. I drove around through crowds of people (try driving a huge bus through groups of people) but could not find the person. Then after a long search, I parked the bus and tried to find the room in the complx. I had a long search until I finally found the room on a back stair case. Everyone was gone; the only record they had been there was the trash. I was panicing and wanted to find everyone before I got up but my body roused me from the bed and left it unresolved.

The bus is suggestive in itself. On the surface, they are gone and didn’t need me this weekend but I didn’t need a dream to tell me that and it doesn’t bother me. I have been concerned with life’s transition moments and I think the dream may be telling me that. I also think it is about the blog because I have been thinking something is wrong. The blog is the bus and the others should not be on that trip.  Maybe the bus should stay parked at the inn and I should walk now.

1. TGT. A quite morning here to start another day on this beautiful planet. Remembering to be grateful

*     *     *     *     *     *

I think that yesterday I was trying to help God. Today I will try a different tact.

This Old House (#72)

10. F. I love the night sounds of late August; the whole outside is pulsating and the sound penetrates every room of the house.

9. I complete my walk through the rest of the house. It seems to me happy memories here, at least for me. I hope for everyone else. This afternoon Pia made a comment about whether my last insiight had anything to do with “aversion”. My response was no. It has me wondering though. In a way it did.

8. F. Someday I will just be writing drivel. Is it today? I hope my friends tell me. Tomorrow I will have to do more of my reading.

7. F. Fifteen minutes later I stop and pause. I have been walking around part of the house. Movement is good; I am hoping I can bike by September 2. I am doing something wrong on the seeing I think. Help me to see what I do not see. Help me to know what I do not know. I think of Storm’s analogy of seeing like taking a car out of gear and letting it drift. Hmmm. I find that happens when I sleep. Sometimes the looking beforehand is what triggers the response later. I decide to stroll though the rest of the house and think about God or Being seeing. Ah, yes, I should let God watch me play. I listen to the sound of crickets and the pump from a fish tank, two parallel sounds. Reality! This is the moment. I listen for a while. One thought keeps coming and that is that I should not be having thoughts. Ta\hanks alot! A clock and a refrigerator in the adjacent room join the other two making a quartet. No, it is the crickets accompanied by a trio. Have to close my eyes and concentrate to hear the clock.

6. F. [Ah, my barking friend reminds me of compassion].

5. Seeing with ears [or listening to Gretchaninov]. The other night we were talking about the differences of seeing with eyes as opposed to other senses. I definitely feel see with my ears and nose and mouth and fingers. As with other seeing, do we attach thoughts to those images? But these sounds are man-made. There is a composer and there are performers. Still I think the music itself is Being through them. But when I listen to the music and feel connected, is that a thought? or is that a connection to Being or God? This music intends for me to connect with God. Did the composer feel a connection when writing it or was it simply the composer knew how to manipukate people? Does it make a difference if I feel connected? It would to some people. They might feel tricked. Still, I think it does not matter a whit. The reality is the music, not the creation of it, i think.

4. Seeing. I walk around this old house taking in my initial observations. I have been much blessed.

3. F. It is a bit sad walking through an empty house when everyone has departed. I sat or stood on the sidelines this morning watching the flurry of activity as the car was being packed, not at the center of the activity. In someways I was glad and in another a bit sad about it. Thinking back to Adams’ role not being done. Do I have to look closely at this later part of my life. I am almost afraid to do it because I feel pretty good about it. That task is done and I feel I did OK, didn’t I? What am I not seeing? I have an eery feeling that walking around the empty house this weekend is going to tell me. Do I want to know?

2. F. I begin to think about the trio I saw on waking. The last thought I had on the blog last night was about the Trinity. This seems suggestive. Might Adams be the spirit, myself who will die be death, and Being eternity. Last night as was imagining the Holy Spirit, I forgot my spirit guide. If so, I have been wrong again. I keep thinking that Adams’ role is done with each insight and each time I seem to be wrong.

1. TGT. Another beautiful morning here to start the day.

*     *     *     *     *

I woke up dreaming about walking in second life. The last thing I heard was “There goes Adams, she is lovely”. Then another voice saying “Don’t you know she is walking with Being and Death”. [lots to think about with that one; too early to comment; maybe never]

Started a little early this morning with the 1:00 sesssion. It is interesting to see the results of attending many sessions again after pulling away a bit. As a group we seem to be sometimes on and sometime off. II have a different reaction after each meeting. They are so incredibly different. I know that I can’t keep this up so enjoying the opportunity for now.

Miracle (#71)

8, GS or BS. I haven’t begun to enjoy doing this exercise yet but I think it has helped me. What does God see? I am supposed not to help Him/Her. Hmmm. The child plays grownup. Dresses in Mama’s or Dada’s clothes. I put on a long white gown and a big white beard and get a big staff. Super-shepherd! Able to leap high mountains and burn bushes unless I prefer to make them talk. I can smote enemies or barking dogs. I can re-arrange the seraphim and churubim around me. I can bellow in a deep booming voice to that little figure running around down there. “I am part of you and you are within me. Your fellow creatures are also you, and you they.” [and all this time God is watching me play God]. I take off the white beard and put on a brown one. Blessed are the pure in Spirit for they shall see God”. “Love thy enemies”. [still God watches me play]. I go around helping sick people and telling stories about people lying on a side of a road and no one helping. I begin to understand that this is the part of God that is easiest for us to emulate. Hmmm. There may be a purpose to this playing. Now, the hardest part to play. I take of the beard and pretend to be invisible. I have the power to make people speak clearly. hmmm. I can fill people hearts and give them hope and courage. “Keep a stiff upper lip old man”.[is that God frowning?] I tire of the game and take out a ball and bounce it against the wall.

7. Seeing. Thinking about September it will be interesting to watch anxiety begin to color my seeing. So far I am very calm. I can see how it becomes important to shed outdated “appearances” as we transition from one stage of life into another.  That includes “identities” that have served their purpose and are outdated. I wonder what else may be lurking yet. Focus on the moment, the eternal moment. This is what religions do so well. The Christian liturgy connects 2000 years, other rituals even longer. The rituals remain as people transition between life’s stages. Everything changes but there is a constant eternal moment. But I now know we have it in ourselves too when we see clearly.

6. Seeing. I am struck with the thought that I do not have the same images of the place I live now compared to those places of childhood. Is that because I have been blind to what is actually there? I have better images of the places I go to enjoy nature but still not as rich as those from the farm we visited as youth. I have a feeling I will be seeing more from now on.

5. Seeing. I am finding it easier to look around and see what is there without attaching thoughts. I think this is what has been happening the last few days. I am not feeling any stress; I am just relaxed. That will change soon. Can I have insights just being calm. My memories of my grandfather continue…wonderful, warm memories of childhood. So many of those people are gone now and the places too much changed. Farms into housing developments. Inner city has lost its factories, and churches have deteriorated. Many houses missing. It seems such a different place than what I remember. That world seemed so much bigger then too. But I rarely go to any of those places anymore and I have no need or desire to. It is the spirit of the farm, the spirit of nature that has lingered. The wildflowers in the fields. The crows calling from the trees or barnswallows sweeping across an open space. The welcome shade of a solitary mulberry tree in a sunny field. Walking along a dirt road on a hot summer day. Spider webs in the barn. The smell of horses and cows. The call of mourning doves or bobwhites. The site of an animal suddenly startled by my presence. The clouds moving across the sky in an open space. And the wonderful peacefulness. Seeing the rolling fields. Suddenly I begin to hear Beethovens 6th or 7th symphony. When I listen to eitther of them I am often transported back to this farm of my childhood visits. And the city too with wonders. The rag shop down the street…recycling was there then. A magical place with all kinds of neat stuff around and hanging from the walls. A church on almost every block as well as a factory and a bar. I remember noting the importance of these three institutions. It was terribly hot in the summer..the only trees were Sumacs which became a solitary, scarred pole in the winter. Everything in walking distance. Most of life was lived in on three blocks in the shape of an “L” but a grandfather lived on a street off the “L”. There was a grocery store there too. What an adventure when my mother would walk us ten blocks away to go to the stores including a Five and Ten where we could sit at a counter and have a little lunch. Or ten blocks in another direction to a park where there was a caroussel. Or about six blocks in another direction where there was a huge railroad switching yards. My brother and I could stand on a bridge over the tracks and watch long freight trains being dismantled and put together; the yard engines moving back and forth over a maze of tracks. Looking out the school windows at an industrial landscape. I remember drawing the landscapes as art projects. Ah images, appearances, memories. Hmmm. Was that a seeing exercise or a memory drop?

4. F. Enjoying telling people in real life about my insight. I am going to need to think about applying some of the things I learned to new situations come September. Maybe I need to apply the barking dog strategy to people. Of course it is basically about people but I have taken a short cut in my thinking of it and it is transmitted directly by the dog.

3. F. Hmmmm. Still somewhat distracted. Enjoying my time off

2. F. I feel like I can see now in a new way. Watching thoughts. Watching images before the thoughts. Watching thoughts attached to the images. I feel connected this morning. A couple of days to pause and enjoy. Now time to push on? What am I still not seeing?

1. TGT. Another very beautiful morning to enjoy on this wonderful planet earth. I am late getting starting again this morning but I was up earlier for the end of what was my first 1:00 session. It was a little disappointing because my mind had imagined a session in the dark with colored lights; the pavilion looked the same as always. Of course, I knew better but the image was there when I read the logs.

I have so much to be grateful for this morning including the progress on my knee. Hopefully I won’t do anything stupid but less than 48 hourse later I am walking around with no pain killers. It seems a miracle like those I have been having spiritually. Funny though, the last couple of days I have gone to many PaB sessions and had some long conversations in SL instead of spending time on the exercises. It would be possible to do both but I am not.