Timely Encouragement – 48th Daily Log

10. ZRM; YSGS – (I) I see the darkness of the cocoon interior. (God) Light from all directions, within and without. Wind coming from within, traveling across continents, picking up mositure and depositing rain, creating might storms and mild breezes. Continents shifting, bumping into one another turning the ground into putty and mountains into fire. Hearing thousands of prayers and many times more curses. Residing in many beings and they in me.

9. F. A renewed request as I get ready for evening group meditation: Help me from this darkness to the Light of understanding of I AM. Remove the clouds that I may SEE what I can NOT SEE now. Help me to know. Help me out of this morass into Your Light. Amen

8. F. More and more I am understanding what Pema said about no destination. “We are already there”. I am thinking that I have had a good long journey; life has been very good to me.

7. BrM. I wonder a bit about the cocoon and whether I am breaking out or still growing inside. It is nice having a bit of confidence that this is a stage toward understanding, knowing, SEEING. Faith that it is a stage which will end. Knowing I will SEE.

6. F. I am more intrigued about what I have read by and about Bernadette Roberts: mysticism and Christianity and “oneness” and then “no self”. I also find her early experiences with prayer most interesting; they are not so different from what I began to experience in my teens. More like “Wow”! Instead of thinking the Divine had gone into hiding, I assumed It wasn’t really there. I recognize that I had neither the wisdom nor fortitude to persevere then, and my guides then, dear wonderful people who loved me, did not have the knowledge or experience to help me think differently.

[long break here. I did a little looking into the prologue of the Gospel of John. What may be relevant right now for me is the Light issue which may have been subconsciously on my mind. I had been remembering that the room was completely dark when I felt I was rocked by God and wondering about the significance of that darkness. I may have been unconsciously searching for the Light. The Word or Wisdom being part of God also may be relevant to me now.]

5. F. One other paradox to those below…and this one longer term. Feeling so firmly grounded and hanging fragilely, swinging in the wind, at the same time

4. F. I sometimes equate spirituality with a connection. I have been feeling a connection now for a few hours. I am not sure if I can describe what I am feeling. It is a lightness and a heaviness at the same time. It is peacefulness and agitation coexisting. I feel. I feel connected

3. F. A quiet pause…so many images and thoughts lurking there. Moses – remove your shoes…you are on holy ground

2. F. I have this weird thought of entering heaven as a sports Hall of Fame. “You have to pick a team” I am told so I have to choose between Buddhism and Christianity. I go in with the Christians because the uniform fits better. I enjoy mingling with the Buddhist team though. Maybe not so different than using Christian metaphors to reach “oneness” with Being.

1. TGT. Now I am ready to begin another day, alive on this beautiful planet.

* * * * * *

I woke up this morning feeling muddled. I woke up in the middle of the night and began to struggle. At some point I had a dream that I was in the center of a circular room and palm trees were dancing around me shaking their branches at me going tsk! tsk!. Accusing palm trees. That is my “I shouldn’t” arising again. Dang, this identity/attachment is like a boomerang or a bungee cord.

This morning I received three messages of encouragement although one was given to me last night.

Taking them in the order in which thy were received: Solobill gave me an url last evening at Zen retreat meditation. I didn’t take time to read it last night (wish I had)(see: http://spiritualteachers.org/b_roberts_interview.htm). A former nun who had moved from “oneness” to “nothing” is interviewed. Most timely, and currently most important, for me is her description of the darkness before she understood “oneness”. I had had thoughts of a cocoon, but I remember being not sure where I was in relationship in the metaphor. I wish I had remembered the coccoon last night. The night I was rocked by God, it was very dark. I could not see anything…only the darkness. I never saw God…only felt the rocking. Now I have a sense of WHERE I am. I find that reassuring as I work on knowing “I AM”.

The second bit of encouragement was from Storm (see comments following the 47th Daily Log below). Storm suggests I look more closely at the passage from the Gospel of John. I plan to do so.

Finally, Pema sent me encouragement while I was writing this. He also mentions logos and offers more encouragement, He suggests I look back at the dream yesterday and how I felt about it. That never occurred to me and I might have lost that bit of knowledge.

So I am in a very different place than where I was just an hour ago.