[Sometimes the blog becomes very personal showing things I'd rather not show. This is one of those. Still this log is supposed to be a record of what I am experiencing and down sides are part of the process. I have been going steadily downhill today probably because of tiredness. I have not been able to shake off the negativity that was introduced by my little flash of anger today. I am a bit discouraged. I think I will lay off writing tonight unless there is a change].
25. F. Who do I think I am? What do I think I AM?
24. F. Feeling tired
23. F. Need this stop. I got a bit snippy at some perceived institutional stupidity. I am slow in letting the anger go. Who is angry?
22. F. stopping
21. F. nothing
20. F. Still here
19. F. So many thoughts and ideas in the weekend sessions. What do I think I AM?
18. F. Interesting thought that memories are happening in the present. Somewhere this information is stored in the brain though
17. F. Who AM I? Who do I think I AM? What do I think I AM? Who is doing this cataloging?
16. F. Around so soon again brrnnnng. Yes, planted in the chair with feet firmly on the floor and fingers on the keyboard
15. F. Who plays roles?
14. F. pause again from working–aware of myself in space. my role as an image librarian…not derived from anxiety but sometimes the cause of anxiety
13. F. Sky used victim as an example of roles. My first thought is that the roles are based on anxieties, about ourselves and how others think about us. Who is the victim?
12. {skipped for morning session] F. New attachment group mentioned at morning session: roles we play
11. F. Who do I think I AM? What do I think I AM?
10. F. Remembering there is no rush and it is not a problem if I don’t have it right yet. I am alive. I AM. I am learning to deal with anger, anxiety, etc. Is that egotism that I am giving myself a pep talk? I am not sure but it is movement toward my goal
9. F. Looked at the new logs at bit this morning. I missed so much over the weekend
8. F. Stopping, feeling
7. F. Hmm. If i close my eyes, I start to drift off 
6. F. Feeling myself in the space. awareness
5. F. Stopping to pause. Feeling sleepy
4. {stops not regular-set bell now] F. Stopping from working intensely
3. F. Stopping for a rest. Feeling myself in the space
2. F. I think Being is both a noun and a verb. And as Pema noted, the most important thing is where this takes us…to a better life…be more compassionate…have fewer desires. I was feeling the wind across my face and arms while biking in this morning.
[skip four]
1. F. Why did I get up so early?
* * * * * *
Pondering on Being. The verb to be. I am. I am seeing. I am experiencing. I am feeling. I am hearing. I am tasting. I am alive. I feel the warm breeze against the skin. I see the breeze move a leaf or a branch or a piece of paper across the ground. I sit an watch the sun rise or set, the clouds changing colors as they slowly move across or around the sun. The leaves on the trees changing colors with the sun. I hear the dog bark (reminding me to be compassionate). I feel my feet resting firmly on the ground. Is Being then more of a verb than a noun?
People around me are feeling, experiencing, seeing, tasting sharing this planet. We are. We ARE alive.
