Waiting for God – 49th Daily Log

11. ESBS – [E} I see a monitor with many dots..many years of research and development..ideas...people mining material, manufacturing, assembly...oil used in plastic and for energy to mold plastic, manufacture...chemical waste at plastic factory released into environment...energy from electricity from coal burning plants, nuclear power plants

[B] cough! cough! choke!

10. F. Help me to SEE beyond my SELF. Help me to SEE reality. Help me to SEE you. Amen

9. F. I am extremely weary now

8. Bike Ride Meditation. I call this a meditation because I am deeply in thought about things here mostly of late. I was thinking two things 1) that I need to drop more of my SELF to experience oneness. 2) The other is that I don’t want to be hit by any more hammers, allegorical or otherwise [that wasn't the real second point but I forget what it was. It will come to me later. And yes it is ME who is the recipient. I know...]

[long break here]

7. F. I don’t think I can describe what I feel now. It is not nothing..almost like a feeling of anticipation but much calmer than that

6. F. Pause. Feeling continues through work

5. F. pause. Connected feeling still with me. When I concentrate I don;t feel that I am in the room. I am picturing myself outside but in a desert. The idea of holy ground reappears to me. [A phone call interrupts]

4. F. pause. still feeling connected while I am working. nice feeling

3. F. Kyrie eleison

2. F. Busy with work and doctors this morning. I stop and I am able to allow myself to feel connected again. That is good. I wonder if an astronaut waiting to take off feels anything like this. I feel that I have done what I can. I have said yes. Now I am just waiting. Of course the astronaut knows how many minutes to take off. Maybe that is the wrong analogy since I have been “launched” already. Will it be a gradual lifting of the darkness? Is it possible that I am thinking light and may have missed something. Please do not allow me to miss any signals.

1. TGT. Good morning world!

* * * * * *

Not much to write this morning. No events that I remember last night. I feel calm this morning. Waiting for God to pull me the rest of the way out of this cocoon. The belly of the whale. The wilderness? [I seem to have spent most of my life in the spiritual wilderness]. The dark room…where I have been rocked. God came in but I never saw any light through the door. Like the story about apostles after the resurrection who had gathered and locked the door; Jesus came right through the wall. Of course they had locked it against the world, not God.

Timely Encouragement – 48th Daily Log

10. ZRM; YSGS – (I) I see the darkness of the cocoon interior. (God) Light from all directions, within and without. Wind coming from within, traveling across continents, picking up mositure and depositing rain, creating might storms and mild breezes. Continents shifting, bumping into one another turning the ground into putty and mountains into fire. Hearing thousands of prayers and many times more curses. Residing in many beings and they in me.

9. F. A renewed request as I get ready for evening group meditation: Help me from this darkness to the Light of understanding of I AM. Remove the clouds that I may SEE what I can NOT SEE now. Help me to know. Help me out of this morass into Your Light. Amen

8. F. More and more I am understanding what Pema said about no destination. “We are already there”. I am thinking that I have had a good long journey; life has been very good to me.

7. BrM. I wonder a bit about the cocoon and whether I am breaking out or still growing inside. It is nice having a bit of confidence that this is a stage toward understanding, knowing, SEEING. Faith that it is a stage which will end. Knowing I will SEE.

6. F. I am more intrigued about what I have read by and about Bernadette Roberts: mysticism and Christianity and “oneness” and then “no self”. I also find her early experiences with prayer most interesting; they are not so different from what I began to experience in my teens. More like “Wow”! Instead of thinking the Divine had gone into hiding, I assumed It wasn’t really there. I recognize that I had neither the wisdom nor fortitude to persevere then, and my guides then, dear wonderful people who loved me, did not have the knowledge or experience to help me think differently.

[long break here. I did a little looking into the prologue of the Gospel of John. What may be relevant right now for me is the Light issue which may have been subconsciously on my mind. I had been remembering that the room was completely dark when I felt I was rocked by God and wondering about the significance of that darkness. I may have been unconsciously searching for the Light. The Word or Wisdom being part of God also may be relevant to me now.]

5. F. One other paradox to those below…and this one longer term. Feeling so firmly grounded and hanging fragilely, swinging in the wind, at the same time

4. F. I sometimes equate spirituality with a connection. I have been feeling a connection now for a few hours. I am not sure if I can describe what I am feeling. It is a lightness and a heaviness at the same time. It is peacefulness and agitation coexisting. I feel. I feel connected

3. F. A quiet pause…so many images and thoughts lurking there. Moses – remove your shoes…you are on holy ground

2. F. I have this weird thought of entering heaven as a sports Hall of Fame. “You have to pick a team” I am told so I have to choose between Buddhism and Christianity. I go in with the Christians because the uniform fits better. I enjoy mingling with the Buddhist team though. Maybe not so different than using Christian metaphors to reach “oneness” with Being.

1. TGT. Now I am ready to begin another day, alive on this beautiful planet.

* * * * * *

I woke up this morning feeling muddled. I woke up in the middle of the night and began to struggle. At some point I had a dream that I was in the center of a circular room and palm trees were dancing around me shaking their branches at me going tsk! tsk!. Accusing palm trees. That is my “I shouldn’t” arising again. Dang, this identity/attachment is like a boomerang or a bungee cord.

This morning I received three messages of encouragement although one was given to me last night.

Taking them in the order in which thy were received: Solobill gave me an url last evening at Zen retreat meditation. I didn’t take time to read it last night (wish I had)(see: http://spiritualteachers.org/b_roberts_interview.htm). A former nun who had moved from “oneness” to “nothing” is interviewed. Most timely, and currently most important, for me is her description of the darkness before she understood “oneness”. I had had thoughts of a cocoon, but I remember being not sure where I was in relationship in the metaphor. I wish I had remembered the coccoon last night. The night I was rocked by God, it was very dark. I could not see anything…only the darkness. I never saw God…only felt the rocking. Now I have a sense of WHERE I am. I find that reassuring as I work on knowing “I AM”.

The second bit of encouragement was from Storm (see comments following the 47th Daily Log below). Storm suggests I look more closely at the passage from the Gospel of John. I plan to do so.

Finally, Pema sent me encouragement while I was writing this. He also mentions logos and offers more encouragement, He suggests I look back at the dream yesterday and how I felt about it. That never occurred to me and I might have lost that bit of knowledge.

So I am in a very different place than where I was just an hour ago.

Enveloping Words – 47th Daily Log

7. ZRM – The beginning of the Gospel of John popped into my head during meditation tonight: In the beginning was the logos (Word?, LIght?). And the logos with with God. And the logos was God. This really isn’t directly relevant to what I was thinking which was that “I have an understanding of what God is”. I don’t have the words for it. The beginning of John popped into my head and that really is meant as an introduction for Christ. The description of Being that Pema once told also pops into my head…”It is the Trinity without the Father, Son and Holy Ghost.” At first that was a riddle (mystery?) to me but I think he might be saying that it s God without the theology, or as he might say :dogma”. Also I have too much “I” in it. Even after the YSBS exercise I am still trying to see it from my perspective. I need to play YSGS for awhile, I think.

6. As for the YsBE experiment, I am too stuck on the “I see” part; I think I need less “I” and more “AM” on the second part. And yet God can smile at me and rock me. How very wonderful that is.

5. Words envelop me. Does that mean they are like an identity…that they are clouds hiding the view…that I am trying to put this into words and getting stuck on the words. Do I understand more than I can express in words. Or does words enveloping me mean that they comfort me and protect me and shield me in a positive sense. The tanks are removed and then the words come and envelop me. Almost like an oracle…can be interpreted to mean almost anything. The aquarium tanks could be my big “I can’t” identity and once they are down, then……hmmmmm

4. F. I have been told for a while that I didn’t need anything…that I had everything I needed. I now know that is true theoretically. I only need to “See” it, feel it, know it, understand it. My assignment: Help me to See it. Help me to know it. Help me to know reality, See reality, understand reality. Amen

3. F. I just am not getting into this today so I am not forcing it. Maybe I ought to detach all those words that enveloped me this morning. Maybe I could put them together into something

2. F. I have a lazy, hazy brain today..goes with the weather

1. TGT. Another day to experience on planet earth.

*     *     *     *     *     *

Last night I had a sensation that I was visiting an aquarium with PaB folk but all the text was behind the aquariums. The tanks were tall and columnar. The text I was trying to read was behind one of the tanks. Somebody said “take down the tanks so we can read the text”. The tanks were taken off the wall (flat like SL objects). The text came and enveloped me, wrapping around my body nlike a big blanket.

I also have begun to notice that there are clouds moving around in front on me when I try to concentrate on what I am. These replace the brick walls that I had of “I can’t” and “I shouldn’t”. Mmmm. I’s getting better in that sense.

Saying no to new Attachments – 46th Daily Log

9. F. Help me to open my mind to new ways of seeing. Help me to understand how I am part of You. Help me to see past all the things blocking my view. Help me to understand, feel, know. I have been touched now twice now but still I know I am missing understanding. Please be patient with me and show me how to know the rest. Amen

8. F. Remembering to sooth the attachments crying for attention which I forgot at this morning’s session. “There, there resentment and suspicion, everything is going to be OK. Thank you for your input, which was important to me. I think your concerns were addressed. No go out and play and thanks”

7. F. Back to my assignment. Help me to see what I don’t see. Help me to feel what I don’t feel. Help me understand what I do not understand. Help me know what I don’t know. Help me to focus in on reality and to know what is not real. Amen

6. F. In afternoon session I talked about how my AV has helped me leapfrog some of my identity/attachments. As I thought more about our discussion about speaking out in SL as opposed to RL, I am wondering if body language might provided some impediment to open, frank discussion. People can give off intimidating signals. Of course smiles also can be encouraging but we can provide the smiles so easily in SL. Maybe some of us smile more in SL. As far as the AV’s role, Joseph Campbell used to talk about how myths helped us in life’s transitions. We have so little of myth in our busy 20c lives. I am wondering if my AV has helped me in my ongoing transition in helping me first, to act without, then to actually shed, some of my obsolete identity/behaviors that are no longer relevant as my life changes.

5. F. I make my request. I wait. Nothing. What am I not hearing? What am I not seeing? Who do I think I am? What do I think I am?

4. F. The assignment to ask God to come through the door has not yet been lifted. God has announced he is in the room. I start thinking of, and then, listen to Mario Lanza singing “I’ll Walk with God”. But God was rocking a cradle. Do I need to learn to walk? Mario Lanza also sang a beautiful “Slumber Song”. This is nice but seems to be going nowehere

3. F. Getting back to Saturday’s experience I am drawn to a baby, not only as a symbol of dropping all identities/attachments, but also as a symbol of beginning, of new. Also a fragile life in need of gentle nurturing. Put away your hammers now

2. F. Lingering resentment and suspicion are two identity/attachments that are pointing me away from my experience Saturday night. I discussed these in the 7:00 am PaB session today. Now is the time to focus on the present; I understand that in a way I never did before

1. TGT. I am alive

* * * * * *

It was a calm night and a new day. The trip to my experience Saturday night was one that took me backward through my life to the “I can’t” left over from my teenage years and then back to the baby of Saturday night. I am somewhat amazed at the linear-ness of it…or does it just seem linear?

I can’t go much further back in linear time so “I guess I’ll have to do it while I’m here” (old Phil Ochs song).

A Reelin’ ‘n a Rockin’ – 45th Daily Log

5. F. Nothing to write right now

4. F. I said “yes” and He came rocking me as a baby

3. F. God has come through the door. That is what I asked of Him

2. F. Two experiences I never expected to have….and yet there is something more I am missing. So hard to write this. How blessed am I. An answer to a prayer…so many years later, so many, many years later. I am so childlike to be gently rocked by God. Come as a child. Dropping things left and right….as a child. Just to write that requires me to drop so much.

1. F. Whew! What now? I have committed to this for three days so I continue. Both of my two experiences involved intense concentration, i.e. meditation. I need more than the 9 seconds for this I think.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *

Last night as I got ready for to bed I was able to notice two new identity/attachments, resentment and suspicion. I had kept this underneath the surface from the time I had finished speaking with Pema and Cal and the end of the day. I had finally gotten over my great struggle with “I can’t” and had an unbelievable experience, unlike anything I had known ever. The whole world had just opened up to me and I wanted to explore it…ride buses here and there. I had a bit of resentment about giving this up. I found myself thinking, Why was Pema pushing me? He should know that there was no chance I as going to give up now. Then suspicion: it reminded me of a Christian group that I ran into in high school. I was very serious about religion then but this Christian group wanted me to be saved. I had tried that route a few times and thought it shallow. Only weak minded people needed to be supported by a crutch. But here the people in this group were all praying publically for MY soul because I was not saved by THEIR definition. As I though of this I got angrier and angrier. Pema said no dogma in PaB but here he was demanding “yes or no” from me. Et tu Cal. But I did not dwell on this long. I am usually quick to go to sleep but last night was even faster because I was “out” pretty quickly. I don’t remember anything other than getting into bed and adjusting pillows. I must have been exhausted.

I woke up in the middle of the night. As I lay there, I started what was almost a mantra. “Please come through my door”. Suddenly, my body began to rock back and forth, as if I were in a cradle, on my breathing. Inhale…to the right. Exhale..to the left. I could actually feel the motion. My whole body in motion. I had no control of this. Oddly, my first thought was that this can not be Pema, it must be God/Being. It went on for a lttle while, maybe 10-15 repetitions and then began to subside and then stop. I had no control over the beginning or the end. God was telling me that He was not ready to show himself to me but, yes, He is HERE with me. He is near by waiting for me to take the next step. How blest I am with these mystical-like experiences. Yes, yes…but to what. What is it? What do I do now?

I remember this morning that Pema gave up his breakfast to stay and talk to me yesterday.

Listening for Being- 44th Daily Log

6. F. This exercise does not translate well to be written about…unless I treat it playfully. I will sleep on it

5. Help me to see what I don’t see. Help me to feel what I do not feel. Help me to know what I don’t know. Help me to understand what I do not understand. Help me see what is real. Amen

[wow - spent most of the past 10 hours talking with PaB folks. Just wrote a long heartfelt paragraph and wordpress lost it]

4. F. Kyrie eleison. Kyrie eleison. Kyrie eleison. Please come in

[Loooong break here. Too much to tell. Took a second bike ride, a long one and had a long discussion with Pema. New direction for me]

3. F. Quietly listening. Being is making background music. Being indirectly is saying be more compassionate to fit in better. What am I not hearing?

2. (bike meditation) Went out to listen some more. I heard many birds. I saw many people. I smiled at a few and exchanged “Good mornings” with one. It left me thinking about one of my primary original goals when I started with PaB and that is to try to live more of the Buddhist philosophy, specifically to live more compassionately. I have been somewhat surprised to find out myself, and I have heard others say this, that this is a gradual process. With the right thinking, it is a steady process. I do not remember all the time. I haven’t gone out and embraced anyone, figuratively or literally. However, I can note a few times this week, when I handled a situation much better than before. Just one particularly difficult situation this week made it all worthwhile. I couldn’t stop the pain I had to cause some people (it was beyond my control), but I was able to be sensitive to what they were feeling. Learning to be more compassionate does seem to be a slow but steady process. I like the Budhdhist attitude of  well you messed up, don’t dwell on it, try not to do it again. Actually history is like that. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if rulers and countries could do that? Instead of pretending that that things didn’t happen, just say it was wrong and that the results were nor good for them or us, and then try not to make the same mistake. I wish my country could do that.

1. TGT. (smile) Another day to just be alive on this beautiful planet earth. As I write this I am hearing birds singing. I hear the sounds of people moving around the house. I hear the sounds of my typing. Being talking!

*     *     *      *     *     *     *

Lying in bed this morning, thinking about listening, I began to hear my favorite Christian hymn, which has stuck with me through the years. It seems to be saying to me that I have been not listening where I should be. Of course there is a creation aspect here that is different from Being, as I understand it so far. Otherwise one might substitute “Being’s” for “My Father’s”:

This is my Father’s World, And to my listening ears
All nature sings, and around me rings
The music of the spheres.
This is My Father’s world, I rest me in the the thought
Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;
His hand the wonders, wrought.

This is my Father’s World, The birds their carols raise;
The morning light, the lily white, Declare their maker’s praise.
This is My Father’s world, He shines in all that’s fair.
In the rustling grass, I hear him pass;
He speaks to me everywhere.

Note to Readers – 43a

Dear Reader: It is not often that I acknowledge you. While I know you are there, I try to mostly write for myself, keeping a record of my thoughts. At this time, I am following Storm’s bus analogy, that 1) we might not all be going to the same destination and 2) many people are riding the wrong bus. Also, I still do not have a firm grasp of what Being is (I am getting closer and have experienced Being). With a Christian background, I understand Christian metaphors and have know the Christian God. I very much agree with the core principles of Buddhism but I don’t think that is the bus for me. I have learned there is more that I do not kno about Buddhism than what I do know. The bus I am on now is not the one with open windows and people singing “Onward Christian soldiers…”. My current bus is using the symbolism, i.e. searching for Being through God. If my destination is God, then I will not shrink away but right now, the Christian God that I have known is my bus.

I Can – 43rd Daily Log

Christ Knocking at the Door

Wlliam Holman Hunt. Light of the World. 1853. Oxford, Keble College

* * * * * *

7. F. Keeping careful vigil, patient vigil. Now that I have experienced, I am content to wait

6. F. Yet more silence. AM I listening? AM I open to the voice? Lift up your heads, oh ye gates, even lift them up ye everlasting doors and the King of glory shall come in

5. F. Listening more. Still silence [that can be read two ways] …. Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht, Alles schläft; einsam wacht…

4. F. Listening carefully. An image of NASA listening for signs of exterrestrial life pops into my mind. My mind was up there yesterday…didn’t see any shuttles or satellites. Do they really exist?

3. YSBS. Silence now. I wonder if this will take a longer meditation

[I figured out how to implement the next suggestion, that I listen in silence. But I have been busy with other things and have not focused on it yet--let me try again now]

2. YSBS. Listening. Silence except for the sound of the air cleaner in my office

1. TGT. Another day. What will I experience today?

* * * * * * *

My first thought of today is that my “I can’t” attachment is effectively silenced. I can. My best guess is that yesterday’s experience was from from my subconsciousness. The clue is the pause, then the new picture, kind of contrived, when I got through the clouds. Still it was a very powerful experience.

The New Experience – 42nd Daily Log

11. F. As an experiment I try the same process I did in #8. I get to the soaring part and nothing happens. I fly into the air myself and try to look down of the earth but what I see looks like SL this time. OK, it was special last time, not to be disappointed that it did not happen again so soon or ever again. I am still somewhat worn out from the last time.

10. F. I feel very fortunate to have had this mystical-like experience. On one level I want to feel guilty about having it, with so little effort, but I know that guilt is an identity and would only serve to block future experiences. I do think it is incomplete. It was beautiful and exhausting but I instinctively feel there is more. Could that have been my open door?

[Long break here]

[Thinking about number 8 below. The floating feels like the beginning of a mystical experience, something I never felt before. I think the God on the cloud is just a quickly provided metaphor because I do not yet have a clear vision of what Being/God is. It was a bit like a dream except for 2things: 1) I was fully awake and 2) I am weak afterward. Was it my subconscious though?]

9. F. I smile when I stop. Still a little weak;Just a pause; back to work

8. YSBS. I can imagine my relative physical importance to the world around me, i.e. seeing how I look to Being. I am a part of Being. I do a quick listening scan around my body looking for God/Being. My chest..I sense my lungs expanding/contracting, my heart beating. My head [Storm feels the top of his head off...is that opening the door?]…hmmm, my head seems empty [no snickers please], I scan around the rest of my body..my arms, one by one, my legs, one by one, feet, one by one. I scan around the surface of my body. I feel like I am floating now. My eyes are closed. I feel very light. I can picture my self floating upward into space…up, up, through an opening in the clouds toward the sun, and then I pass out of sight from below. But I am still connected. I change cameras and try to get back into my body in space but I can not see where I am…I am in the body but do not see. Is that a white-bearded God on a cloud? God no 1. He smiles at me. I smile back and keep smiling. When God smiles, it is contagious. …but then I am interrupted and everything is gone. I feel a little weak

7. F. Expanding on #5 below, Each of us affects the conversation in some way by our presence. Our presence affects others in the world…in a better way if we live compassionately, love our neighbors…doing unto others as we would have them do unto us. Is that connected with our place on earth and somehow to what Being is seeing when it sees in our direction? (Wullll Clar’nce, we don’t want to do “It’s a Wonderful Life” again now, do we)

6. YSBS. What does God/Being see? Yesterday a large storm over a large area. People and other beings scrambling for cover. Flooding. A small tornado touched down. Trees toppling. Some people affected by the flooding, trees down, power out, houses damaged…traffic accidents. Others hardly mindful of the weather at all. How do I fit in there? Very aware of the weather, awed by its power and mildly inconvenienced. The storm knocked at my house door and whirled around my body. Are you really there at my mind’s door, God/Being?

5. F. Reading the logs of recent PaB sessions I would had attended, if I were not taking a little break, is a real exercise in listening. I see places where I might have distracted and I am glad I didn’t interrupt. I am able to see where things went. At other times I find myself wanting to insert a comment. I’m enjoying listening to you, my friends…I am still connected

4. F. Maybe no creation God, but life evolved under Being’s watch. If Being is that big, then so did our solar system, and our galaxy. Did our universe develop as being saw? Is Being bigger than the universe? Is Being the universe? Is there anything bigger than the universe? I become less significant to the whole as the definition expands. Still I am at the center on MY universe or AM I? Maybe I AM only. No center, just exist

3. I have heard the Kyrie sung as a chant, almost like a mantra. Lord have mercy on me….not because I am a sinner or because I feel guilty or because Adam and Eve ate your stinkin’ apple (cripes, can’t you let it go already? talk about grudges). No, I am lost and need direction. Lord have mercy on me and show me the way. Won’t ya help me find it, puleeeeese? Won’t you help me open the door?

2. F. Busy at work. In my pause the thought occurs to me that maybe I should try to think of God seeing me rather than Being for now. I have now experienced Being but I want to try this experiment. What does God see if God gazes in my direction? I am one on may beings scurrying around. My life is tenuous, hanging on a whim. Yesterday a tornado watch while I was unknowingly cycling home. How quickly I can be snuffed out by Being/God…in an instant. That person near to me also, and the person next to that person.

1. TGT. [smile]. A new day to be alive

* * * * * *

I don’t have much to write about this morning. No coherent thoughts overnight or this morning—I was rushed,; I overslept. More rain again. Maybe the mind wants to settle down a little after yesterday which was a bit momentous for me although I tried for more. A funny thing–all the dreams of which I was aware last night were in SL format. This is odd because I have severely cut back my time on SL. It is a powerful medium. Well, I must go, is someone at the door?

Behold Being – 41st Daily Log

10. F. My brief meditation experience helped immensely during the MRI. Every time I wanted to move my knee, I was able to focus elsewhere. I looked for Being but I don’t think Being inhabits that loud man-made machine. Still I have been wrong many times before. Much to think about as I go to bed eager to discover whether there may be another adventure waiting for me tonight. Being and my mind, perfect together (nice thought but not yet, anyway)

9. F. BrM. I want to relax..have to go out in the weather again for an MRI on my knee. Do two meditation styles. While doing the breath meditation, I can see myself sitting in my warm, cozy “laptopping” space I have set up. Thunder still rumbling outside. Is that God knocking at the door. God wasn’t so polite with Paul; didn’t wait for him to answer the door.

[biking home from work in the rain, the thunder constantly rumbles. Storms not all that far away. I pedal faster.  Now that I have experienced Being, it is getting emphatic about demonstrating its power...I won't forget, Being. When I get home, I find that I missed a phone call for a tornado watch  for the fifteen minute period I was out biking]

8. F. Music. Skin tingling. There is more there, here

7. F. Reminder: What am I not seeing? Who do I think I am? What do I think I am? What do I want to be when I grow up? no no…What do I want from life?

6. F. The whole planet from above, Billions of separate souls moving around, sitting, sleeping, eating. Each one with a mind that thinks independently. Each one with the ability to be connected to/through Being?

5. F. What is (wo)man that thou art mindful of him(her)?

4. F. Each of us sharing in this experiment, having our own experiences simultaneously and non-simultaneously, all over the world. A global experiment. Being there with each of us at the same time and not the same time. Extending to all, within all. All part of the Being thing. Being also with those not doing the experiment. At each of our doorsteps. At my doorstep. There outside. I open the door. Being sees me open the door. The door is open. But then it is closed. There must be an automatic closing device on this door. Hmmm. I will have to fix that.

3. F. How do I let Being in?

2. F. A pause after a distasteful chore completed at work

1. TGT. Another day to be alive

* * * * *

I was lying in my bed this morning, 70-80 % awake, when through my closed eyes there was a flash followed quickly by the sound of a rumble which I could feel where my skin touched my bed. “Behold Being!” went through my mind. Me experiencing Being. “The Power of God” or the power of Being described by Storm in his blog yesterday.

Later as I went to go out through my back door wearing my light rain gear, I saw that there was a huge downpour of rain. So I went back and changed into my heavy rain gear and it was lightly raining by the time I got to my bike. With my heavy rain gear, I do not feel the rain against my skin but there was a very unusual light like it was being filtered (which it probably was between the clouds and the moisture in the air and maybe reflecting off the ground). It was a little bit pale yellowish, almost deathly looking. That is Being too, I thought.

While I was lying in bed after the lightning, the Behold Being thought reminded me of an incident in my college days (a long, long time ago). At that time the administration, faculty and students were struggling with the issue of more student freedom. At our college, the key phrase was “student responsibility”. With the granting of more freedoms, the administration expected students to take these freedoms and responsibly put all their effort into studying and learning. There were two incidents involving the student publications which shook up this balance. The second involved me but that is another story involving youthful ignorance. The editor of the college literary magazine published a poem called “Ecco Homo”. I don’t remember whether it was a good poem or bad but I remember the gist of the description. A man is asleep. he wakes up and goes to the edge of an overhang and urinates. The faculty and administration were furious but they missed the point that this is Being experiencing man.

Now that I have reached this point, I realize how much more there is to this. Pema said we should be looking at how Being sees our minds, our thoughts, our memories. At this point it would seem it doesn’t at all. But Pema wouldn’t mislead us, would he? [note added later: see Storm's comment below]